Magnetic Cohesion
by PuddleTook
Summary: Set after episode 5x17: The Disease.
1. Part 1 Chapter 1

Janeway grinned at the ridiculous image on the main viewscreen. "You'd better put on your mag-lock boots, Tom. You don't want to bump your head against those primitive knobs on the control panel and accidentally ignite the dark energy."

"Thanks Captain, but – nah." Tom's eye twinkled as he gripped the edge of the Delta Flyer's piloting console. "I've loved floating in zero-g like this since I was a kid. Plus, it's a great weight-loss program. I'll manage. Oh! And Harry – don't forget to let me know how Neelix's bananas Foster turns out."

From the center of the bridge, Janeway twisted her neck toward the ops station to see Harry grimace and shake his head, as though he couldn't imagine a fate any worse.

A monotone voice piped up from the transmission. "Ensign Paris, please take care to keep your feet out of my face."

Janeway made eye contact with Chakotay next to her and they chuckled as Tom's head hit the viewscreen with the force of Tuvok's deflection. After giving Tom a moment to reorient himself, Janeway said, "We'll see you in four days. Seven; Tuvok; Tom – good luck." The away team would be studying the dark energy from outside, but Janeway was happier to stay onboard Voyager, as it would collect one-of-a-kind data as soon as it entered. This type of phenomenon was so rare that Starfleet hadn't had a chance to observe it from inside yet.

"It's gonna be a long four days with these chatterboxes," Tom muttered under his breath. "See you, Voyager. Paris out."

Janeway harbored no sympathy for Tom; he might have little faith in himself, but she knew he would find a way to enjoy the company. He always did.

"Ensign," she said to Hargrove, "Set a course into the dark energy, warp six, and engage. Commander, you have the bridge – I'll be in my ready room."

As she started plodding toward the door with heavy magnetic steps, Chakotay rocked forward. "Actually, I was hoping I might join you."

She nodded and set Harry in charge, then had to breathe a laugh at the two of them. "The agile Captain and her fit First Officer, barely able to walk three meters." Their proximity to the dark energy had fried the artificial grav plating earlier that morning.

"I know, I feel like we're trudging through a snow storm," Chakotay replied as they approached the door. "But it sure beats floating into viewscreens and replicators."

"Does it? Maybe Tom has the right idea. If anti-grav floating weren't so uncontrollable, I think I'd abandon the boots. I was one of the few who wound up enjoying that particular segment of training at the Academy. I like the sensation of flying."

"Let me guess," he said. "You're only wearing the boots because as Captain you feel you should set an example for the crew in following Starfleet protocol." The door shut behind them. "Come 2200 hours, you'll be zooming around your quarters laughing."

Still tromping, she grinned and threw back, "You make me sound like a witch without a broomstick!"

She could hear the smile in his voice as she approached her replicator. "When I say zooming around laughing," he reiterated, "I mean with joy. No offense, but evil laughter isn't one of your strong points."

"Then I'm glad you never met Queen Arachnia." Grabbing onto the side of the replicator for support, she came to a stop, ready to order her coffee.

Her hand suddenly erupted with pain – she gasped and pulled back, but she couldn't dislodge her fingers from the replicator. It crackled with electro-static noise and flashed brilliantly.

Her eyes squeezed shut and she breathed erratically; she had caught a glimpse of a palm without fingers, and she couldn't accept the possibility that she had lost them. Fighting a rising panic, she continued frantically trying to free herself while the excruciating burning sensation escalated. Centimeter by centimeter, her wrist disappeared, then her forearm.

Someone – Chakotay – urgently wrapped his arms around her waist. She noticed briefly that his entire body molded to hers, and the embrace strengthened her. Pulling as hard as she could, Chakotay joined her efforts and pressed his leg against the wall beneath the replicator to force them backwards.

The pain peaked – all the joints in her arm popped out of place as they finally wrestled her away. She bit back a scream, but couldn't stop a whimper. Their momentum threw them backward across the room until Chakotay managed to tap his boots onto the floor. Before her boots kicked in, he quickly spun her around to face him as she gritted her teeth to fend off a sensation of dizziness. He raised her arm without touching the injured part and cradled her torso sideways against his chest. "Chakotay to the Doctor – medical emergency. Prepare to beam the Captain and I directly to sickbay." She leaned against him shamelessly. The lack of gravity didn't seem to matter; she found she required the support anyway. She couldn't bring herself to peek at her injured arm.

It took all her willpower to summon words to her lips, and even then, all that came out was a throaty, "Scantheship!" Spots swam through her field of vision.

"Ready to transport, Commander."

"Energize!"

For a moment, the pain was blissfully gone and she was surrounded by light. But sickbay materialized around her, and her arm again exploded. She pressed her tongue between her teeth and tightened the fingers on her other hand into the fabric of Chakotay's uniform. Before he or the Doctor could speak, for a second time she grated out the words, "Scan the ship!"

When the two of them converged on her, rather than following her order, she wished she could lash out. If this was happening to other members of the crew while she was being treated, Chakotay was going to have hell to pay.

"Captain!" said the Doctor. "I've never seen anything like this!" He scanned her hand rapidly, then searched through the air behind him for one of several floating devices. "What happened?"

Chakotay covered her undamaged hand with his, clutching it against his chest where she had latched onto him. His arm still encircled her waist. "She grabbed the edge of her replicator, there was a flash of light, and suddenly her fingers weren't there. Her whole arm got sucked in." As he spoke, the Doctor grabbed the instrument he had been searching for – a hypospray – and Janeway instinctively exposed her neck. "It took both of us pulling with all our strength to wrench her free. Her arm was only in there for thirty or forty seconds."

The pain receded once the terakine had taken effect. She relaxed enough to uncurl from Chakotay, but when she gently tried to sit up straight on the biobed, he grasped her firmly to him. A familiar feeling stole over her body: a rush of endorphins, a jolt of nerves, and increased circulation. Nevertheless, she became vaguely suspicious. Why was he holding her so protectively?

The Doctor nabbed another item from the air and waved it over her. "It's as though your arm has been drawn into a vacuum. Not only does your skin show signs of frostbite," and indeed, when Janeway gathered her courage and looked, she saw that the skin covering her unnaturally elongated fingers was black, "But it's been exposed to an enormous pressure change. The arm also appears to have aged fifty times faster than the rest of your body, which would explain the rapid onset of frostbite."

"Commander," she said, trying again to shake him off. This time Chakotay loosened his grip, but when she straightened, his arm remained around her shoulders. "If you don't scan the ship right now, I'm shoving your hand into my replicator." She squared her shoulders, raised her chin, and set her jaw, looking directly into his eyes.

Without removing his arm, and while the Doctor continued his ministrations, Chakotay tapped his combadge. "Chakotay to Ensign Kim – Captain Janeway has just suffered a –"

"Minor," Janeway threw in, holding Chakotay's eyes.

"Minor injury in her ready room. I want you to scan the ship for anomalies and send a team in to investigate her replicator. Make sure nobody touches it."

"Yes, sir."

"How are you feeling?" Chakotay asked her. He leaned in closely, as though the Doctor weren't there.

The juxtaposition made her uncomfortable. Chakotay's behavior seemed more intimate than was customary, and with the Doctor hovering over her Janeway couldn't reprimand Chakotay for it. She wished the Doctor weren't so observant. It would only be a matter of time before he said something.

"I'm fine," she replied, and shrugged pointedly. Chakotay took the hint and finally removed his arm, sighing in obvious disappointment. Her shoulders felt cold under her uniform when he took his heat away.

The Doctor's eyes traveled along with Chakotay's arm, then darted up to his face with dawning comprehension. Delaying the inevitable, Janeway added, "Please hurry, Doctor, I'd like to return to the bridge and figure out what's going on. Is there any concrete evidence of where my arm went?"

With a wry glance from Chakotay to her, the Doctor answered, "Somewhere very cold and very devoid of atmosphere. The way your joints have all been dislocated also suggests something was tugging you in – a simple vacuum couldn't have done this kind of damage." He passed a dermal regenerator over her skin.

"Sounds like a rift between dimensions opened up in your coffee maker," Chakotay said.

"It might be the dark energy," she responded, shaking her head a little. "Scientists have speculated that it could be so abrasive it punctures space-time, like when the knee on a pair of pants wears through. It's an unsubstantiated theory, until now, I suppose."

"Oh, good," said the Doctor, taking her hand carefully between his own. "And I suppose we won't be leaving anytime soon? Captain, you may want to grab onto something – or someone," he emphasized with a glimpse toward Chakotay, "This is going to hurt, even with the hypospray I gave you."

Before she could take hold of anything or tell the Doctor to watch his mouth, he began re-setting her elbow and all the joints in her hand. Her body tensed; she felt Chakotay's hand slide over her free one, so she allowed her fingers to tighten around his. She closed her eyes and swallowed.

Thankfully, it ended quickly. She exhaled deeply and let go of Chakotay.

"Good as new," said the Doctor. She shook the hand out with relief. "Try to use your left hand more often today when tapping panels and reaching for objects. This one needs a rest. Perhaps Commander Chakotay could give you a –"

"Thank you, Doctor," she cut in, worried that he had intended to suggest a massage. Or worse. She let her boots snap onto the floor. "But the Commander and I need to report to the bridge immediately."

She took the biggest strides she could muster in such clumsy boots and Chakotay kept pace at her side, yet even so the Doctor trailed after them rapidly. His program simulated gravity without the need for mag-lock boots. "Commander Chakotay, please try to help the Captain relax." Just before she and Chakotay cleared the door, she heard the Doctor toss out the words, "The turbo lift can be a fun and convenient place for a –"

Despite the Doctor's affinity for prying into Janeway's personal life, she knew he did it out of concern for her own well-being. She fully expected a lecture later on today about how much a relationship would alleviate her perpetually critical stress levels. However, it comforted Janeway to know the Doctor would never spread the word about how he had seen Chakotay treating her. If Chakotay had acted that way in front of, say, Tom Paris, who would leak the information to the entire ship with only the best of intentions, Janeway would have been far more concerned. As it was, she could only shake her head and smile.

She tapped her combadge. "Janeway to Kim. Anything to report?"

"Yes, Captain. Thanks to knowledge of your incident we've been able to prevent others so far, but there does appear to be a problem with trans-dimensional rifts throughout the ship. They aren't affecting any major ship systems."

"Yet," she responded. "Continue monitoring them."

"Acknowledged."

Now that they were in an empty corridor, she didn't feel quite so uneasy. Censuring Chakotay for his conduct seemed an inadequate way to thank him for potentially saving her life. She decided to let his behavior slide for now, but if it happened again he wouldn't get off so easily.

"I suppose I can skip the coffee; I'm officially awake." Their pace slowed as they made for the turbo lift. She peered up at him. "Thank you, Chakotay," she said, letting her side bump against his. "If it weren't for your help I might have been pulled into that pocket completely."

"All in a day's work," he replied with a grin, bumping her softly back. "Let's just say I'm glad you're still in our dimension."

She smiled at him and, allowing her feelings of gratitude to guide her, placed her healed hand on his shoulder while they plodded down the hallway. She tossed her hair a little to clear it from floating in front of her eyes and she made a mental note to try putting it up when she returned to her quarters later on. "Not even 0900 and already you've saved the Captain's life. Now. What can I do for you?"

"Captain?"

"Well, you came into my ready room with me for a reason. I assume there was something you wanted to tell me about."

He nodded. "That's right – in all the hullabaloo I had forgotten. There were a couple of things." He made a familiar amused expression. "Harry continues to feel a bit lovesick. Tal is definitely on his mind, though he refuses to say so. What he did tell me is that he believes B'Elanna will do better without Tom than vice versa, but I think the opposite. It may only be four days apart, but she's really come to depend on Tom."

"I'm sure both of them will manage perfectly well. Is there some reason to be concerned?"

"No," he said, "I just find it interesting." Her hand slid off Chakotay as he stepped aside so she could enter the turbo lift. He followed her in.

"Deck one. How unusual," she retorted. Again, her hair floated into her face, but before she could shake it away, Chakotay's hand rose and tucked it behind her ear.

She snapped her chin up and met his eyes. Her pulse quickened; he swallowed and lowered his hand. Perhaps she should call attention to his conduct now. He hadn't been acting this way yesterday, she was quite certain. She'd been fighting this battle between protocol and desire for years, and she didn't need Chakotay to suddenly start making it any harder than it already was.

"Oops," he said sheepishly, joining his hands behind his back and correctly interpreting her expression. "Guess I'm feeling a bit overprotective."

His tone was too endearing. This man could get away with murder.

Maybe his conduct wasn't worth mentioning. After all, how could she set parameters on their friendship? She had allowed him to become far closer to her than the rest of the crew, and he knew it. She'd certainly entered his personal space more times than she could count, and allowed him to do the same to her. What difference did a stroke to her hair make in terms of boundaries that were already arbitrary?

"At ease," she said softly with a conciliatory wave of her hand, fully aware that she was rationalizing. She put the thought out of her head and responded to his question, doing her best to use her normal light-hearted tone. "Now, where were we…?" She pointed upward upon remembering. "Oh, yes. B'Elanna and Tom. It seems unusual that the Tattooed Terror would be concerned with the details of an onboard romance."

He gave her a dry look at her use of his boxing title. "On the contrary. I may not say so often, but I've been a hopeless romantic for at least as long as I've been on Voyager. Don't tell me you hadn't noticed."

He must have been referencing New Earth. He did that from time to time, but it was always subtle enough that she could pretend to misunderstand. "Alright," she answered, sidestepping the subject. "You've had a few romances in the Delta Quadrant, I'll give you that." She leaned her head to the side, scrutinizing him just as he was her.

"True. But not with anyone who has stuck around for the whole trip..." His mouth appeared ready to form another word.

As the blood rushed to her cheeks and her brows crawled upward, she became certain he was about to say it. But he simply closed his lips and smiled, again innocent as could be, while the missing word hung in the air between them.

She found herself staring at his mouth. She tilted her head forward and peered up to his eyes. Something about the way his focus traveled from her eyes down to her lips, then back up again, made her feel so gratifyingly feminine. "Chakotay..."

She inhaled sharply as her inner Captain put the kibosh on the encouragement she had nearly continued offering him. "Was there anything else you wished to speak with me about?"

He sighed slowly, causing part of her hair to ripple. She caught a whiff of cinnamon. Then, "Just something Harry noticed about the pocket of dark energy we're entering. Its rate of expansion may be accelerating."

The door slid open and their quiet moment ended. "So by the time we make it to the other side, it might be pushing us faster than our engine output would predict?" The two of them exited together and tromped toward their chairs.

"I suppose so," he said. "Due to the time you had set for departure, we were unable to collect complete readings."

"Keep an eye on it. Does the away team know about this?"

"Yes, Harry let them know before they left. They'll be monitoring the expansion, but it shouldn't cause them any problems."

She nodded. "Very well."

As they took their seats and she asked for a detailed status report, she could feel Chakotay's eyes on her. Next time, she promised herself. Next time she would reprimand him for acting that way.


	2. Part 1 Chapter 2

Neelix gave a somewhat positive report on morale while Janeway surveyed the conference table. Irritating as her ponytail felt, she relished the freedom to move her head without getting hit in the face by her own hair. B'Elanna had employed the same tactic and had achieved quite pretty results. Neelix ought to give it a shot, Janeway reflected.

She noticed Harry slouching in his seat, fidgeting lethargically with his progress report. He placed it in the air, turned it, and watched it spin lazily. Janeway considered the comment Chakotay had made in the hallway yesterday and wondered how many crew members had noticed Harry's lackluster behavior. None of Harry's duties had suffered, so as his Captain she had no cause for concern. Yet it was hard to watch him struggle through the "disease," as Seven had called it.

"So," Neelix concluded, "with that notable exception pertaining to Naomi Wildman, the crew is hopeful."

"Hopeful they won't die?" asked the Doctor. "How can anyone be hopeful when that's right outside the window?" He gestured toward the eerie image beyond the side of the ship: stars elongated as through Voyager were at warp – which, of course, it was – although none of the stars were moving.

Janeway spared a glance, then swiveled back to the group. True to her assumption, the Doctor hadn't breathed a word about Chakotay to anyone, and she had indeed received the dreaded lecture yesterday afternoon in her ready room. The Doctor had even given her a written report on the thirty-five health benefits of relationships. He had seemed preoccupied with the view out her window, now that she thought about it. Today he appeared positively anxious. "Doctor, that's merely a ghost image of the last visible stars before we entered the dark energy at warp," she reassured him with a wave of her hand. "Don't worry, we're not spinning our wheels."

"You sound like Tom," said B'Elanna, catching Janeway's idiomatic reference to old-fashioned ground transportation. The Doctor hardly looked assuaged, but Janeway smiled at B'Elanna.

"I spoke with Seven this morning," Janeway stated. "The rate of expansion is continuing to increase, but unfortunately, our transmission was breaking up as she tried to send their data to Voyager. The sensor link is completely decayed. It sounds like they're traveling backwards at nearly warp one just to maintain their observation position."

"Tom checked in this afternoon," B'Elanna added. "That comm signal was even more garbled than Seven's. He said – I think – that they had surpassed warp one point five, but that they were picking up incredible data on the edge of the dark energy."

That was bad news – Voyager could be at a standstill soon after all, or worse, traveling backwards. In the absence of sensors they had no way to determine Voyager's actual velocity. Yet without knowing exactly how large the phenomenon was at the moment, Janeway felt that after spending thirty hours traveling at what she hoped was warp six, it was worth it to continue until either they emerged on the other side, or until they realized beyond a doubt that they were going backwards. Taking the time to bypass the dark energy wasn't high on her priority list. Not to mention that the scientific information they would gather once sensors were back online would be too valuable to quit now.

"Any progress with sensors?" Chakotay asked, in tune with her unspoken thought.

B'Elanna's eyes flickered to Harry, who had been working on that particular project with her. "No," she admitted. "None whatsoever. We can't read a single thing."

"See?" the Doctor intoned dramatically. "We could fly straight into a black hole without realizing it!"

Chakotay leaned forward. "Singularities can't exist inside dark energy, Doctor, there's no cause for alarm. We'll be out and on the other side before you know it. B'Elanna, have you at least been able to determine what's wrong with the sensors?"

While Chakotay spoke, Janeway's gaze had fixed on him. Now that he had finished addressing B'Elanna, he looked toward Janeway and gave her a warm, if slightly too intimate, smile. Her guard went up at first and she had to work at relaxing herself. Nobody at the table would notice if the Captain and First Officer exchanged a friendly smile. So she returned the favor.

"... Something to do with the magnetic irregularities in the dark energy," B'Elanna was saying. Janeway focused on B'Elanna, though she felt Chakotay's attention remain on her. She held her hand sideways over her mouth in thought.

"If only," B'Elanna continued, "We could find a way to protect the sensors from magnetic interference... but so far, we can't even protect our mag-lock boots."

"What do you mean?" Janeway demanded.

Harry cleared his throat and spoke up for the first time. "My mag-locks depolarized this morning. Several crew members have reported the same malfunction. I'm back in my Starfleet issue boots; at least these are comfortable."

"This is swell. I'm sure sickbay will soon be inundated with crew members complaining of minor bumps and bruises, not to mention an increased incidence of inter-dimensional body parts. As if I didn't have enough cases of space sickness to treat already. Do you know how many times I've been vomited on?"

"If you don't stop complaining," responded B'Elanna, "I'll bang my head against the table and treat you to a Klingon with a concussion."

"I doubt it," countered the Doctor calmly, "With that skull you'd probably break the table."

"There's no need to get upset," Neelix said soothingly. "Like the Commander said, it won't be long before we're back in normal space, Doctor."

The Doctor had started pacing around the table. "Upset? If the magnetic anomalies destabilize my program I'll be much more than upset, Mr. Neelix." Janeway realized the dark energy was probably already affecting the Doctor – he usually mastered his fears, but today he seemed to pander to them.

B'Elanna, apparently smoldering about his skull comment, darted her hand out as the Doctor passed behind her chair. His program flickered briefly and returned to normal. Janeway saw B'Elanna trying to hide a grin.

"Lieutenant Torres!" cried the Doctor. "Tampering with my mobile emitter is a –"

"Enough," Janeway commanded, giving both B'Elanna and the Doctor warning looks. "Lieutenant, run a diagnostic on the Doctor's program and correct any malfunctions caused by the dark energy, including behavioral ones." Once B'Elanna nodded reticently, Janeway turned back to Chakotay. "Commander, join Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Torres on the sensor problem. The more brains, the better. You might want to try modifying the main deflector to encompass Voyager with a reverse polaron field. If it won't protect the entire ship, we can at least reroute all sensors through the deflector."

"Aye, Captain," Chakotay replied. "Could we try some kind of illuminating charge like a low energy ionic beam?"

"I'm reluctant to fire even a low energy pulse," she answered, "As we'd risk igniting the phenomenon. If the theories are correct, we wouldn't stand a chance against that kind of explosion, and neither would the Delta Flyer. Astrophysicists have wondered if such force could manipulate the timeline. Far be it from me to willingly stick my hand into that kind of snake pit. Now, how many inter-dimensional rifts have opened on Voyager?"

"Ah, that's hard to say, Captain," said Neelix, who had volunteered to monitor the phenomenon in the absence of the three other senior officers. "As you know, they've been opening and closing randomly around sources of energy, like replicators, power conduits, and all over engineering. I've been trying to work a gamma ray scanner into the ship's computer that uses light in the visual range to illuminate the portals as they appear. Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to predict their emergence without flooding the ship with lethal levels of radiation. The best guard we usually have is to stay away from the crackling flash of light."

Chakotay looked from Janeway's hand to Neelix. "Any further cases of crew members becoming trapped in the rifts?"

Neelix shook his head and pushed his lower lip upward. "Just the four crew members in engineering and the Captain."

"'Just,' Mr. Neelix?" cried the Doctor. "You make it sound like treating them was easy! I nearly had to amputate several limbs!"

Janeway had heard about them this morning. Ensign Vorik's entire leg had vanished for almost a minute. "Continue working, Neelix. Feel free to ask any crew members for help. Dismissed."

As everyone exited, Chakotay took a few magnetic steps toward her and together they approached the windows. "B'Elanna must miss Tom more than I thought," he said, quietly, once the door had shut.

"Not to mention that The Doctor appears to be suffering from acute paranoia."

"Contrary to what Neelix says, I believe it's affecting all of us," he said, glancing into space. "Can't say I like the view either. Makes me feel like we are spinning our wheels." He turned to her and some of his disquiet seemed to melt away. His eyes softened.

"You know, we truly might be," she ventured, fairly worried that Chakotay might resume his tempting flirtations now that they were alone for the first time since yesterday morning. If she could control the subject of their conversation, perhaps things wouldn't become so nebulous.

Of course, she could have tromped back onto the bridge if she had really wanted to avoid him. But she didn't. She only wanted to avoid having to reprimand him.

"How so?" In complete disobedience to her thoughts, he feigned desire for a better view out the window and took another casual step, pressing his side flush against hers. The points where her shoulder, arm and hip touched him felt warm and electric.

"I've been studying my astrophysics in conjunction with the sensor logs from yesterday morning right before we entered the dark energy," she said, waving a hand as she spoke. "It's possible this phenomenon is expanding at a rate that's faster than our own speed right now, although without the data from the Delta Flyer there's no way to tell."

"So we could be stuck on the edge. Will it ever stop growing?" he inquired, tipping his head to the side and narrowing his eyes at her in curiosity.

"No, and that's where it gets interesting." She gestured with her finger. "Once the dark energy reaches a certain size – nobody's sure exactly what size, but we're talking several orders of magnitude bigger than ours is right now – it becomes little more than a shock wave. Something as small as a ship or planet would merely rock in its wake. Larger objects, such as distant galaxies, are carried much farther by the wave. That's why the universe is expanding at an ever-increasing rate. Dark energy patches are like anti-gravitational reverse singularities."

"Too bad ours isn't that big. It would be nice to be able to see what's in front of us, at least."

She raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. To look at his face from so near required her cheek to almost brush his shoulder. "One thing I don't understand, Chakotay, is why I was only informed of the increasing rate of expansion after the Flyer parted ways with us. We could have prevented this confusion if we'd remained in normal space long enough to take the complete readings on Voyager."

His innocent expression returned, along with a shrug and a twinkle in his eye. He peered out the window as he spoke. "Is it a crime to find an excuse to spend a few minutes alone with you in your ready room? Granted, it started going downhill when your arm nearly got severed by a parallel universe."

She stepped away and planted her fists on her hips. "You know better, Chakotay. What if that information becomes the key to a life or death situation while we're in here?"

For a moment he only blinked at the warped stars, his hands clasped behind his back. When he set his eyes on hers his tone grew serious. "I apologize, Captain, it won't happen again. I made an error in judgment and in the future I'll inform you of everything right away." He dipped his head slightly and raised his eyebrows. "… To make up for it, how about I replicate dinner tomorrow night?"

If anyone but Chakotay had told her they had compromised the ship's possible safety just to spend time with her, she would likely have felt offended as a woman; yet his sincerity was unavoidably disarming. She tisked in mock outrage, softly punching his arm. "You would've made it anyway. What else have you got?"

"I was saving it for your birthday, but I suppose I could give it to you early."

She smiled. "Will I be short a birthday present, then? Why do I feel like you're trying to give me the raw end of the deal?"

"Do you really think I would leave you hanging on your birthday?" He crossed his arms as though his very soul had been insulted. "The way I see it, I have three whole months to get something else for you."

With half a nod, she schooled her features into determination. "Alright, let's have it then."

"I'll give it to you tomorrow night."

"Oh, so now I have to wait."

"You have the capacity to be patient, Kathryn. I saw it once."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise."

"Have you replicated it yet?"

"I can't tell you that." He smirked playfully.

She placed her hand on her hip. "Fine. I don't care what it is."

"Reverse psychology won't work on me, Kathryn."

"I could order you to tell me."

"But you won't because you wouldn't want to abuse your position."

"I thought there were no secrets between us."

"You can't guilt trip me, either."

Finally, she had to laugh at his rapid-fire defenses. "Alright, you win, Chakotay." Her free hand swung up to rest on his shoulder and she raised her eyebrows. "But there's one thing you're wrong about."

"What's that?" He joined his hands behind his back.

"I've never been patient. Not even once."

He grinned and blinked at the floor without answering.

She crossed her arms. "You disagree, do you?" she said, sensing he was about to change the mood. Again, she considered making for the bridge. She didn't.

"By my reckoning, there's only one thing you've been able to wait for without taking the initiative yourself."

"And what's that?"

His brows went up. "Love." He said it so matter-of-factly, as though he'd been talking to the Doctor.

She regarded him for a moment before she decided how to respond. Of course, he was right. But the issue was so complex. Technically, they were both on duty, so it would be inappropriate to have a lengthy discussion on a subject unrelated to the ship and crew.

So, she settled on saying, "You're right, Chakotay," then artfully shrugging in a manner that suggested the subject was closed. "But that's a topic for another time." She began to plod toward the door.

"See what I mean?"

She stopped to listen, but didn't turn around.

"Patience," he continued. "Have you ever wondered whether maybe it's not a virtue in this case? It's been almost a year since you found out Mark has moved on, so you can't use him as a safety net any longer. And you've said you're too busy for a relationship as well – but do Tom and B'Elanna have any more free time than you do?"

Not really seeing the door in front of her, she inhaled deeply and firmly grabbed the chair nearest her just to feel like she was anchored to something. Once in a while zero-g became unsettling.

"I know you, Kathryn. If you continue to ignore the most basic human desire – the need to be close to someone – you'll come to regret it."

Continuing the conversation from here was out of the question. Both were due back on the bridge five minutes ago. She knew she was only proving Chakotay right, but she couldn't ignore the fact that they were on duty. "Maybe so." Then, before she took her leave, she twisted around to get a look at him.

She had meant peer into the familiar, quietly understanding eyes of her First Officer, to give him a reassuring smile, to signal that perhaps the topic could be revisited later on. Yet the expression he gave her from across the room melted her composure. He appeared ready to bound to her side and kiss her if she'd asked him.

She thought about it for a wild microsecond, but… She didn't.


	3. Part 1 Chapter 3

This infatuation was infuriating.

Janeway took another sip of coffee from her covered mug and pressed her warm hand to her furrowed brow. Out of the six PADDs floating in front of her, she had read all and absorbed nothing. Even in his absence Chakotay assumed the power to distract her. Whenever he had the gall to pop into her head, she extinguished the thought. Sometimes it took a little longer than others.

Yet she hadn't gotten enough sleep this week, anyway. That was probably the solitary cause of her ailment, combined with the amount of coffee she had imbibed throughout the day. It wouldn't be the first time that such a dose of caffeine did a number on her attention span. Her mind was going a light year per minute. She tried not to notice how easy rationalizing had gotten.

"Last call!" Neelix announced from behind her as he dimmed the lights. It soothed her aching eyes. "Another refill, Captain?"

She stood, stretched, and shook out her jitters. If only she could sleep and run ten kilometers at the same time. "No, thank you, I've had plenty." Stepping around to face him, she added, "A little too much, to be honest."

Neelix approached and joined his hands over his belly. "Is something bothering you, Captain? You seem more troubled than usual."

Not the image she'd wanted to project. "Some days, being Captain is harder than others, Neelix." She shook her head and lowered the hand holding her current PADD, trembling ever so slightly. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"I bet you could use a distraction." Before he could continue, she must have made a face – the last thing she needed right now was another distraction. Neelix closed his mouth and blinked, then, "I mean a diversion that you enjoy! An evening on the holodeck, or the pleasure of reading a good book."

"Believe me," she squinted cynically, "That won't help." As soon as the words left her mouth, she wished she could stuff them back in. She must have been more high-strung than she'd thought. "I appreciate your concern, but –"

"Chakotay to Janeway. I see you're in the mess hall. Mind if I join you?"

She inspected her boots, hands on her hips. "Be my guest," she replied, "I wasn't getting much work done. Perhaps you could lend me a hand."

"I was hoping to make this a social call." Her combadge remained silent just long enough for her to roll her gaze to the ceiling. Neelix's grin was palpable and it was the last thing she wanted to see. "But you are the Captain," Chakotay finished.

"Come on down first, Chakotay. I think you'll observe that I have plenty of energy to burn on these reports. If I weren't wearing these boots, I'd be on the ceiling."

"Sounds like the perfect opportunity to get our blood pumping on the holodeck."

Neelix wisely said nothing, but she caught the barest hint of an aborted smirk on his face before he busied himself in removing his apron and setting it in the kitchen.

Janeway sucked on her teeth. She knew Neelix, like the Doctor, only wanted her to be happy. She reset her jaw before answering Chakotay. "What did you have in mind?"

The door opened – Janeway and Neelix turned toward it. "Velocity," Chakotay responded, floating in with a smile and tossing a small duffel bag at her. He wore brown athletic shorts and his gray Starfleet-issue tee-shirt, boots forgone in favor of tennis shoes.

Snatching the sack out of the air and clamping it under her arm, she asked, "In zero-g?" She raised her chin and waved the PADD at Chakotay. "Antimatter containment is beginning to fluxuate, I'd like you to take a look at this."

With a knowing nod, Neelix excused himself. "I'll let you two get to work. Or, I hope, socializing." He tapped his nose at Janeway and tromped out the door. "I happen to know that holodeck one is free!" he called.

Observing the PADDs floating over her table, Chakotay raised his brows. He took the proffered one from her hand. "Been making any progress?" he asked.

Her heart raced. That would be the caffeine, of course. She blinked, and the situation became comical – here she was, trying to work for hours and getting nowhere, hoping that her First Officer would assist her when in fact he was the very source of her inattention. Not only that, but he had apparently snuck into her quarters to grab her velocity outfit and stuffed it into this bag before she had agreed to play, and she couldn't think of anything more distracting than the eager, boyish charm which he now employed to persuade her into the holodeck. He made her feel young. So her defenses crumbled and she broke into an ironic smile.

His tone shared in her good humor. "I'll take that as a no."

"You'd be correct. Zero progress." She meant to lay a hand on his shoulder, but he floated too far above her. She placed it on his chest, instead, and inadvertently felt his own heartbeat through the fine cloth.

He wrapped his fingers around her arm and tugged gently until his feet tapped the floor. She let him retain the grip as he studied her hand. "But you do seem to have done a fair amount of work on the caffeine front." Her fingers quivered, regardless of her efforts to still them. "It would be a shame to let all this energy of yours go to waste."

She peered over her shoulder at her table, acutely aware of his hold on her arm, the pad of his thumb softly stroking the inside of her wrist. The PADDs paled in comparison to the endorphins this sensation generated within her. Turning her head back to Chakotay, her lips slightly parted, she met his steady gaze. "Who am I to fight the inevitable?" It came out more breathily than she had intended, so she added body to her voice. "Now. Are you ready to lose?"

Their banter carried them to the holodeck. Chakotay insinuated several times that mere caffeine couldn't give her an edge, but Janeway exacted several rejoinders, her favorite of which was, "Mere cockiness won't give you an edge, either, Chakotay."

They reached the entrance, Janeway stuck to the floor and Chakotay having pushed himself along bulkhead by bulkhead. "Did I ever tell you that I let you win last time we played?" He accessed the console and tapped in a few commands.

She crossed her arms. "Is that so? Did you also let me win the last ten times we played?"

He shot her a playful glance over his shoulder. "Computer, run program Chakotay sigma alpha." The computer beeped in compliance. "Go ahead, Kathryn. I'll wait out here while you change."

She opened her mouth to tell him not to peek, but regained some modicum of control at the last second. Instead, she said, "Don't run away scared," and trudged through the portal.

… Into a stunning recreation of the athletic fields at Starfleet Academy. The heavy doors slid shut behind her and she simply basked in the sunshine for a minute, absorbing every perfect detail.

Her eyes alighted on the outdoor velocity court, a large cube of fine wire mesh. On a ship where shore leave was brief and infrequent, why play velocity indoors when the holodeck was so versatile? She was surprised it had taken this long for someone on board to create such a program.

Since no holo-characters occupied the greens, Janeway stripped right there in the grass. Digging into the bag, she rejoiced upon finding her sports bra – yet she hadn't given Chakotay clearance to enter her quarters so he could rummage through her underwear. She blanched, wondering what else he'd seen. Perhaps this was the moment she had been waiting for: he certainly deserved a reprimand for this infraction.

She hastily pulled on the bra, black leggings, and red tunic, running through the possible conversation in her head. Within seconds, she decided that asking Chakotay about her lingerie would be more inappropriate than his easy care in bringing the bra in the first place. As much as she disliked the idea, she'd have to let this incident swing under the radar.

The thrill of imagining his hands in that drawer was, as Seven would say, irrelevant.

She tapped her badge after transferring it to her top. "Chakotay – let the eleventh straight win commence."

When he entered she had the distinct impression that he was watching for her reaction to having discovered the sports bra, and she definitely noticed his eyes pass over her chest briefly. "I'm planning on a surprise comeback," he said without missing a beat, the words framed by dimples. "How do you feel without the boots?"

She felt several things, very few of which were related to the boots. "Are you trying to distract me from the game?" They floated into the velocity court and she made sure to stay at least a meter ahead of him, pushing off for the far side of the cage as soon as she could. "Here's an idea – I win, you give me that present tonight."

From across the court, about seven meters away, he responded, "Sounds good to me. If I win, we have two dinners each week instead of one."

"Deal." Her heart felt like it needed antimatter containment. No matter; she would win, and therefore wouldn't have to worry about Chakotay's demand.

He tossed her a phaser, which she made ready while he prepared his own. Chakotay gave the computer a few verbal commands, and the game began.

As expected, Janeway had the edge. Not only did she practice more regularly, but she used her size to her advantage. Her tactic proved especially useful in zero-g because it took far less energy for her to move herself around than Chakotay required. Sometimes with artificial gravity he used his mass to accumulate momentum, but here the bulk made him slow to a fault. Janeway won four rounds in under ten minutes.

"How many rounds?" she asked, gripping one of the handholds Chakotay had programmed into the interior of the court, about two meters from him. Placing the phaser in mid-air, she reached back with the free hand to make sure her ponytail remained intact, then snatched the phaser up again.

"Ten sound okay?" Chakotay panted, wiping the sweat from his forehead with an arm.

"I think not," she grinned, riding the tide of sunshine and exercise. The caffeine helped, too. "If we do ten, I'll have won in two more rounds. I say twenty."

"Fifteen."

"Sure, fifteen. You're going to have to come up with a different strategy, Chakotay," she teased, pretending to yawn. "I'm getting bored watching you throw your weight around."

He smiled crookedly. "Aye, Captain."

The fifth round began; as usual, she kept her sights pinned on the disk, but peripherally she did indeed observe Chakotay using a new approach. Strictly speaking, the rules of velocity didn't prohibit players from crowding. Yet because it made the disk too difficult to control, crowding was considered a highly unorthodox tactic. Still, Chakotay inched into her side of the court, handhold by handhold, his body and phaser arm facing outward. She clung to the middle of the back wall, where she had the widest vantage point.

She tried to send the disk at the side of him nearest her, but he quickly adapted once the move became predictable. Instead, she shot the disk toward him from all angles. He fought it off a couple of times, but she was sure she had him when it bounced off the floor just under his feet.

Rather than shooting it off, he resumed his ineffective dodging technique. However, when he kicked against the wall this time, he propelled himself squarely in Janeway's direction, simultaneously shooting the disk in an impressive display of agility.

She found herself stuck between the urge to save herself from letting Chakotay crush her and staying in place so that by the time he reached her, the disk would catch him in the back instead of her. Uncertain, she fired at the disk anyway and attempted to shimmy upward along the wall.

He reached her former position just as she made it to safety. She smiled triumphantly as the disk hit him at her feet a microsecond later.

The computer announced her win. "Full impact. Round five to Janeway."

His neck craned up and she saw the happiness on his face. He tapped her ankle and said, "Tag. Round one to Chakotay."

"Tag?" she asked, but he'd already flown across the court.

"You're it. Now you have to tag me."

That sounded about as easy as velocity. She tucked the phaser into her belt and zoomed toward him.

It only took a few jumps for her to catch up with him; she latched onto his shoe and both dissolved into the laughter that had built up during the new game. "Tag," she chuckled. "What do I say now, you're it?" She pulled herself up to eye level and reached for a handhold behind her, flattening herself against the wall.

"You say no backs," he quipped, whipping himself at her by jerking on her arm. His limbs spread out to various handholds and he nearly pressed his entire body against her. He froze when a bare centimeter separated them.

Stunned, she cast about in her mind for the censure she knew she should give him, but in her frantic search the words deserted her. She felt magnetically drawn outward, toward him, and her grip on the holds was slick with sweat. When she pushed her head against the wall to avoid bumping noses, she was betrayed by Newton's third law, and her body involuntarily arched into him.

Panicked, she recoiled. She couldn't seem to catch her breath, and his face was all she could see. Unnerved and speechless, she watched the sun hit the beads of perspiration over his tattoo. She refused to meet his eyes.

He raised what she supposed was his tagging finger and trailed it slowly from her cheekbone to her jaw.

A stray neuron fired. "No backs," she offered.

"Too late. You're it – no backs." He rested his forearm against the wall.

She closed her eyes to draw breath for the reprimand, but the air filled her lungs shallowly and smelled of Chakotay's very essence.

Then, the sun shone through her eyelids, and when she looked, he'd bounded off again.

Her jangled nerves got little respite – he was headed straight for a bright, crackling inter-dimensional rift. "Chakotay!" she cried.

She urgently dove toward the side wall and pushed off it instantly, using all the force she could muster. As she'd hoped, she was able to intercept Chakotay and alter his trajectory just before he'd have grazed the rift. Her face mashed into the bare skin of his upper arm; she wrapped around him in an instinctively protective manner. As they sailed to the opposite wall, the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. The fissure exerted an electric pull on them, and thank goodness she'd thrown all her strength into the leap; otherwise, they wouldn't have had the momentum to change direction. Knocking Chakotay from his path with a mass like hers was like a shuttle tractoring a starship off course at warp speed.

They hit the wall like a ton of bricks, and it took a moment for her to reorient and untangle herself from the rather compromising position she'd weaved into.

"Thanks," he panted while she reluctantly removed a thigh from between his, biting her tongue to keep her stirrings hidden. She could hear the rift sparking in the background. His heavy exhalations warmed her clammy forehead.

When she felt righted she floated freely half a meter from Chakotay's tempting body, bringing a hand to her mouth as she assessed the situation. Her fingers danced over her lips to prevent her from using them in a way she'd regret.

He dipped toward her and looped an arm around her waist just as she began to feel the crackling mass reel her in. "Careful," he said, pressing her firmly against him, her back to his front. The words, "Maybe we should've stuck to your reports," ghosted over her ear, warm and tickling.

She swallowed over the dryness in her throat. Chakotay's nose barely skimmed her temple; she jumped, went rigid, and barked, "Computer, end program."

The reluctance in Chakotay's release of her was clear. His hand dragged slowly across her waist, then rested on her shoulder, a disappointed sigh deflating him.

Once the scene around them had dissolved, the rift only lasted another few seconds. Janeway realized she ought to have switched the program off right away – it figured that once the power of the holo-emitters had lessened, the portal would no longer be attracted to the holodeck.

As soon as the last spark fizzled out, Janeway hauled herself to the wall next to Chakotay and sprung for the door on the far side. Both were silent as she flew.

She caught the arch before the door opened and turned around, brows drawn upward in concern. Her uniform floated within reach. He remained where she'd left him, watching her almost anxiously. Would he ever go back to the Chakotay he'd been just a few days ago, content to be her closest friend and nothing more?

Now or never. "Chakotay –"

"Kathryn," he interrupted. "Please don't close yourself off. Just… consider it." A heavy subtext coated his subsequent words: "I'll wait."

Her resolve, weak to begin with, once again fell apart. He hadn't crossed any lines, only flirted. It was harmless. And no one had seen.

She collected her uniform and tried to smile amid the surge of guilty relief she felt at failing to put him in his place. "Goodnight, Chakotay."

"Sleep well, Kathryn."

Later, after she'd gone to bed, she barely slept for thinking of him.


	4. Part 1 Chapter 4

All charm and warmth, Chakotay offered his arm. "May I escort you to dinner?"

Supremely conscious of B'Elanna's raised eyebrows, Janeway briefly patted his shoulder. "Just a moment, Commander. Lieutenant Torres and I were considering the need to increase power to the magnetic converters surrounding the warp core."

Taking the hint, he nodded and clasped his hands together behind his back, stepping down to the main floor a couple meters away.

B'Elanna, whose mag-lock boots had given out earlier that day, swung in Janeway's direction, using the railing around the core as her anchor. "I can give you a report with my suggestions, instead, Captain –"

"That won't be necessary," Janeway responded, perhaps a pinch more harshly than the situation required. She took a breath while letting her eyes rest on the pulsing core, then continued in a calmer manner. "I'd like you to make those modifications, B'Elanna. If ship systems are going to start failing, I'd rather our engines don't become one of them. We don't want any further rifts opening up in here, either."

Chakotay's boots whirred almost inaudibly over the ambient noise of engineering. He stamped them against the ground to stop the sound; by now, the whole crew was acquainted with the process. When the whirring started, a few quick stomps would reset the magnetic alignment, but even so it would be a matter of hours before the boots failed entirely.

B'Elanna floated toward Janeway more closely while Chakotay was distracted by the boots. "Captain," she whispered, "He _adores_ you."

Janeway snapped her head at B'Elanna. It was unusual for her to encourage any sort of romance, regardless of the subjects, but she supposed it was possible B'Elanna was thinking about it because of her desire to have Tom back. Janeway teetered between wanting to ask questions and closing the subject completely, and consequently, she wound up giving B'Elanna what she hoped was a passively inquiring look.

Maybe it was for the best that B'Elanna seemed slightly abashed by what she had told Janeway – she backed up a bit and continued at a normal volume, "What systems would you like me to divert the extra power from, Captain?"

Noticing Chakotay smiling patiently at her from a couple of meters away, Janeway fought to clear her head at warp speed. "All the usual non-essentials, plus whatever's left over from the loss of artificial grav. Just don't take any from structural containment or sensors. How long do you estimate this will take?"

"No more than three hours."

"Good. Do it."

"Aye, Captain." B'Elanna glanced at Chakotay again, then gave Janeway a surreptitious smirk. "She's all yours, Chakotay!"

Janeway restrained herself from pointing out the breech in protocol – it was the Captain who should dismiss her subordinates, yet B'Elanna had dismissed her. Given the circumstances, voicing her concerns would probably do more harm than good. Calling attention to Chakotay's infatuation with her in front of the crew, however subtly, would have negative effects for both of them. She shushed the inner voice that accused her of rationalizing again.

As Chakotay plodded up toward the platform, Janeway figured he couldn't possibly hear a whisper over the ambient noise of engineering, so she quietly asked B'Elanna, "Did he tell you that?" It was important to determine whether Chakotay was openly discussing the possibility of a relationship with her.

"He didn't have to," B'Elanna breathed back, looking startled that she had asked at all.

Janeway didn't buy it. She searched B'Elanna's eyes for the answer. Chakotay had only been acting this way for a few days, and then mostly in private. How could B'Elanna have picked up on his feelings after so short a time without speaking to him about it? Unless Chakotay had alluded to it in conversation – it was possible, Janeway conjectured, that he had mentioned something about velocity last night or the gift he had promised her while talking with B'Elanna this week. Having known him longer than anyone on Voyager, B'Elanna certainly would have been able to intuit his feelings.

Chakotay reached the platform smiling and held his arm out for Janeway once again. "I hope you'll excuse my interruption – I was worried about dinner getting cold."

With a final discerning glimpse at B'Elanna, Janeway took his arm. She peeked up at him only briefly; his clean, comforting scent assailed her. Avoiding time alone with him all day had done nothing to quench her attraction, except perhaps to exponentially increase her anticipation of dinner. "I'm sure it will be perfect, as always."

"Shall we?"

As they trekked out of engineering, she became self-conscious of the furtive glances crew members darted at them. She didn't catch anyone staring directly, but worried they would draw conclusions from the way Chakotay was escorting her. However – this was normal, basically. The crew was used to seeing them walk together in this fashion.

"You're rather quiet this evening," Chakotay pointed out in the corridor. "Is everything alright?"

She sighed. Letting this insecurity preoccupy her twisted her stomach into knots. They had started dining together every week to celebrate, so she couldn't bring herself to the table carrying this baggage. She really ought to turn it to her advantage. If Chakotay insisted on flirting with her, what harm would come of simply flirting back? She could have at least that much without breeching protocol.

She wondered at what point her rationalizing would become deliberation.

Ready to expel her negative thoughts, yet unable to drop them entirely, she looked over her shoulder to the corridor behind them. They were alone. "Captain's stresses. Let's leave it at that. But you know what would make me feel better?"

"I can guess," he grinned. "You want that present."

She playfully bumped his side. "I've waited for twenty-four long hours, Chakotay. It's fraying my nerves." They entered the turbo lift. "Deck three."

"I see. You're saying that if I don't give it to you now, you'll have a mental collapse?"

"That's right."

"And if you suffer from said mental collapse, you'll be unable to command?"

"I don't know if I'd go that far." She pursed her lips as she made eye contact.

"So you'd attempt to retain the captaincy even while mentally deranged?"

"Deranged?"

"Thereby endangering the ship and crew? So the fate of Voyager rests in my ability to give you this gift without further delay?"

Her free hand went to her hip and she maintained a straight face. She gave him a half-nod, just a tip of her chin. "When I'm deranged, you're the first person I'll come after with a phaser rifle, and I ain't settin' it to stun."

The journey from the lift to Chakotay's door was swift. "I was thinking of giving it to you tomorrow."

"By tomorrow, I hope you mean in five minutes."

He rested his hand on the small of her back while they entered his quarters. The gesture made her feel a sliver more graceful than the boots usually allowed. "Or maybe the end of the week?" he said.

"Perhaps a photon torpedo would do the trick."

"If you blow me up, you'll never get the present." He guided her to her seat and pulled out the chair. Chakotay's table setting was more minimal than hers, but the food always tasted better. He busied himself in lifting the covers off three dishes and setting the heat-preserving items aside.

"Hm. I've reconsidered. The gift can wait until after we eat – this smells wonderful. Mmm! Is that what I think it is?" One of the bowls held a beautiful, steaming orange liquid under a glass lid with a magnetized rim.

He sat down and pulled a belt out from the chair, fastening it around his lap so he could remain in the seat without using his hands. She did the same, then removed her shell and set it in the air behind her. "I remembered," he said, "Last week you mentioned that cafe on Market Street where you used to drink coffee and eat the galaxy's best butternut squash soup. You sounded like you would just about melt into a puddle if you could have some."

Excited, she tugged the magnetized bowl off the table, lifted the secondary lid, and took a deep whiff. "Mmm. I just might. I don't know why you ever let me cook, Chakotay."

"I don't anymore. I let you replicate."

"Touché."

She could almost believe he'd sensed her unease last night and decided to back off. Half an hour passed, filled with similar light-hearted conversation and the usual exchange of routine information about the ship and crew. Because of the unique gravitational situation, they ate the food straight out of the serving bowls, periodically passing a dish across the table.

Mealtime, Janeway decided at one point, was the best time to be sporting this ponytail.

"You okay?" Chakotay inquired.

"I'm eating your food, Chakotay. Somehow, you manage to finesse the replicator in ways I can't even dream of. I'm better than okay. Why do you ask?" She took another bite of the roasted portobello – it was juicy with a balsamic marinade. "Mm!"

Gesturing toward her head with his salad fork, he explained, "You keep touching your hair. Did you get it cut?"

"No." She shrugged, slightly embarrassed to have been caught in such a silly tic. "It's a different style, so it's hard to get used to."

He studied her for a moment, chewing on his salad. "You don't like it."

"You know me well."

"Kathryn," he said, swallowing and shaking his head against her dislike, "It looks great."

She gave him a gracious smile. "Thank you." Eager to change the subject, she cast about for something else to compliment, and wound up raising the bottle in her hand. "This pinot noir is phenomenal, Chakotay. I'm almost glad for the lack of gravity – drinking it out of the bottle probably isn't a good idea for a starship captain, but I appear to have no choice!"

"You can make a note in your log that the First Officer advised you to do so in the interest of preserving the cleanliness of your uniform."

"Are you more interested in my uniform than my ability to command?" After another small swig, she re-corked the bottle, plugged it onto the table and picked up the salad.

He grinned widely. "Kathryn… you're already feeling the wine, aren't you?"

She was. "No. Not at all."

He scooped up the bottle. "I have some catching up to do."

"Chakotay. Be reasonable. We've been sitting here for… what. Ten minutes?" Beginning to chuckle, she ignored his quiet insistence that it had been thirty. "How could I be tipsy after ten minutes?"

"Would you like me to count the ways?" His free hand went up in a fist, and as he tagged each reason, a new finger sprouted. "One: you're drinking out of a bottle. Two: that's not synthehol, it's the real deal."

"You didn't tell me that! Where have you been hiding this?"

He cut over her objection, still clearly enjoying himself. "Three: it's been half an hour since you started drinking alcohol out of a bottle."

"Fifteen minutes."

"Four: you have a very low tolerance for alcohol." His head tilted at the four fingers. "I rest my case."

She snapped the salad onto the table, leaned back, and crossed her arms haughtily. "Alright," she said while he was mid-sip. "You're into your cups too, Chakotay. I cite all the same reasons."

He licked his lips. "You're reaching."

"Oh, you think so?" Turning her head slightly, she picked one shoulder up for a second while running her tongue over her teeth. "Then why are your pupils ever so slightly dilated?"

"It's dark."

She leaned forward and placed her elbows on the table. "Not dark enough. And why would you interrogate me about the possibility that I'm intoxicated?"

"It's my job."

Doubtful, she narrowed her eyes in mock suspicion. Chakotay attempted a straight face, but couldn't seem to keep hints of a smile from popping up.

Pressing her advantage, she raised her eyebrow. She had no intention of losing this battle. The seconds ticked by as she stared him down, waiting for him to crack.

Finally, he swung the bottle up to take a giant gulp.

When she burst out laughing, he nearly choked as wine sprayed out of his mouth in uncontrolled mirth. He corked the bottle and half-coughed, half-chuckled while they both used napkins to catch the stray droplets that shimmered above the candlelight.

Once her laughter subsided, she inquired, "Tell me, Chakotay, what's your motivation for serving alcohol this evening?"

His smiling eyes traveled from her own down to the table while he considered. "I suppose… I wanted to hear you laugh." He looked back up at her.

Through the haze of the wine she retained enough common sense to know she must be very careful of her next words. If only he would tell her why he was suddenly behaving like this now after five years, she might be more at ease.

Then again, it was entirely possible she was reading too much into this supposed odd conduct, and Chakotay had sincerely felt a change of heart. Except she couldn't believe that he'd only just developed feelings for her – deep down, she knew he'd always wanted her. So why act on it now?

The silence had stretched for too long. She traced the shape of the soup's lid with her finger. "I do enjoy a good laugh. Thank you. This dinner is, as always, phenomenal, both in food and in company." She raised her gaze to meet his and walked the line, pulse racing. "If I had a wine glass I would offer you a toast, Chakotay."

The moment glowed with the warmth between the two of them. "I'll drink to that," he quipped, and took another sip.

Her laughter was easy and genuine. "Leave some for me!"

"Is that an order?"

"Absolutely."

He corked the bottle and gently propelled it at her; she caught it and took a small swig. This time the silence was comfortable as she replaced the wine on the table and leaned back to pat her stomach.

"Mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said in a way that made her suspect he had been waiting to pose the query for some time. It sounded too artificial to be offhand.

"By all means."

Chakotay scratched his neck and addressed the table. "… Kashyk."

She waited for a question, but to no avail. Interesting, how Chakotay's obvious jealousy could jolt her with such a deep rush of affection for him. If she was honest with herself, the feeling was more than simple affection. She couldn't help smiling, though she tried not to let it show. "You want the full story? All you ever had to do was ask."

"You wouldn't believe the rumors that went around about the two of you." His eyes climbed slowly, from the table, to her torso – she felt her face burn – to her neck, mouth, and finally eyes. "I worried you'd be offended or closed-off if I brought it up."

"Not if _you_ asked me, Chakotay." She crossed her arms on the edge of the table and leaned toward him. Grinning self-mockingly at the memory of her conduct with Kashyk, she offered, "I was… deluded. Terribly. I had gone without a relationship for so long, and when I realized I wanted to be close to someone – well, you know me, I make an irreversible split-second decision based on the available evidence and my gut feeling. I went for it truly believing his façade in my heart, but not in my head. We shared one perfect kiss…" The words trailed off as she tried to remember it, but she couldn't meet Chakotay's eyes. "And after that, you know the rest. Tricking him was undeniably satisfying. But I wish I could say I had been faking those feelings. Part of me is ashamed."

"You certainly can't help feeling fond of somebody, Kathryn. The way I see it, it's how you act on those feelings that matters."

The wine sat forgotten on the table. When she re-established eye contact with him, he was leaning in her direction, close enough to reach out and touch. "What would you have done?" she asked. "I hardly know the ropes half as well as you."

For some reason, this question inspired Chakotay to grin. "I don't know them half as well as you think."

She let her eyebrow do the talking.

He sighed. "If I were Kashyk?"

She'd meant if Chakotay had been in her shoes, but she held her peace. It was easier to remain silent and allow him the possibility of breaking the barrier than it would be for her to make the decision herself.

"I would have taken you up on your offer to stay onboard. I would have been more than happy to be in your company." His eyes glittered in the candlelight. The extra words he was refusing to say were written on his face.

"And if you had been me?"

He tilted his head slightly. "That's tricky."

The corner of her lip curled upward. "Oh?"

"I'd have to walk the fine line between being a real person with desires of my own, and being a superhuman captain in charge of the safety of an entire starship."

"Sounds about right."

"And that would make me feel trapped, like I couldn't acknowledge my own feelings and had to wait for the right person to come along and take the first step."

She swallowed. Her palms were slick against the table and she could feel her heart thrumming. Terrified and exhilarated, she spoke words she would never have uttered if she were sober. "What if the right person never took the first step?"

The unhidden yearning in his eyes took her breath away. It was as though it had been there all this time, for years, but only now did Chakotay remove the screen that hid it. His brows were raised slightly over low, blinking eyelids. His lips were barely parted and closed after a loud swallow. "I'm sure he would never forgive himself."

She beamed, a tidal wave of adoration coursing through her. "Now you finally understand how hard it is to be the Captain."

He reached for her hand and began to say, "Kathryn," when her combadge erupted with finality. "Torres to the Captain. You'd better get down here. We've got another rift, and it's growing in size."

He gave her one last look so filled with longing that she nearly ignored the call. They unhooked themselves from the chairs and rose together. She swiftly pulled her shell back on. In a move that seemed so very Chakotay, he offered his arm like nothing had changed and said, "It's even harder to be her First Officer."

Once again, she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow and cocked her head. "Acknowledged." Then, to Chakotay, to whom she wished she could say so much more, she simply stated, "You owe me a present."

Before leaving, they caught sight of the window – all the stars had vanished.


	5. Part 1 Chapter 5

"Based on our readings just before we entered the dark energy," said Harry, floating at one of the astrometrics consoles, "We should be halfway through it by now. The Delta Flyer should be here, about a third of the way in."

"Have you taken its increasing rate of expansion into account?" Janeway crossed her arms. Harry's prosaic tone still surfaced every time he spoke. She felt compelled to comfort him, yet the sentiment would likely be unwelcome, even if he pretended otherwise.

"Yes," Harry replied, "But we don't have enough data to accurately predict its current size."

"So I heard," Janeway said, looking up at Chakotay, who hovered behind her shoulder. Since last night, he had been stealing eager glances at her as though they had slept together. To the best of her knowledge, they hadn't, but she appreciated the sentiment. As long as Harry didn't notice.

She nipped her smile in the bud and wrenched her head out of the clouds. "When we entered," she elaborated, "I was looking forward to polishing our understanding of dark energy, but I'm getting a bad feeling about this. First we're plagued by inter-dimensional rifts, then we start losing magnetic cohesion in the boots, our antimatter containment spikes sporadically, the shields peter out, and now you're saying we may not be where we think we are. I'm inclined to agree. Have you made any progress with sensors?"

"Harry, B'Elanna and I have tried everything we can think of," Chakotay answered. "Even your reverse polaron idea didn't work. The bottom line is that we're flying blind. We also don't know where the Delta Flyer really is."

"That's not all, Captain," Harry added. "Based on my calculations, if our algorithm for the rate of expansion is off by a few seconds –"

"The phenomenon could be pushing Voyager backward," she finished, "Regardless of the fact that we've been at warp six for four days? I've been doing some algorithms of my own, and the results aren't promising."

Harry tapped a few controls, and the screen showed the dark energy expanding. "In this map, I've added the telemetry based on Tom and Seven's reports the other day. As you can see, by now the dark energy could be growing faster than warp four."

"A great deal faster." Chakotay leaned toward her very closely and placed his hand on the small of her back. Her world shrank to the size of his eyes and he continued in an intimate, familiar tone that made her highly anxious at Harry's presence. "I recommend a full stop, Kathryn." His mouth traveled to her ear and hovered a few centimeters away. She felt his hot breath on her skin – it gave her goose bumps. "We should wait for the away team here; it's the best chance they have of catching up with us."

Her eyes flashed to Harry, whose body faced her and Chakotay. Luckily – thank goodness – Harry was focused on the panels. Janeway deliberately took a step away from Chakotay and shot him a warning look, thankful for the first time that her mag-lock boots hadn't given out yet.

Damn. Harry _had_ seen! She caught the beginnings of a smirk as she turned back to him. He lowered his head and pretended he hadn't noticed anything, but the discovery had lit up his face. Now how long would it take for the entire crew to hear about this?

With difficulty, she prevented her ire from boiling over. If only she could reprimand the hell out of Chakotay right this instant! She knew that sending Harry out to give Chakotay a verbal thrashing would only add to the rumor mill. She imagined the entire ship talking about how Harry had been excused so the Captain and Commander could get it on in astrometrics. Instead she had to settle for another withering glare in Chakotay's direction.

She tugged her shirt down. "I agree, Commander," she bit out in response to his suggestion that they cut engines. With a tap to her combadge, she ordered, "Janeway to bridge – full stop." The Voyager on Harry's star chart halted as well. "Ensign Kim, anything more to report?"

Any smile Harry may have been concealing faded away as he saw her expression. "One other thing, Captain." His eyes flickered to Chakotay. "As you know, many of the ship's systems are beginning to show signs of stress. Based on the number of trans-dimensional micro-fissures that have started to appear within the previous hour, we believe the next thing to go might be structural containment, followed by the hull, in roughly ten hours. I have to stress that it's merely an estimate – we could implode in an hour, or not at all."

"According to your projections, how long until the Flyer reaches our coordinates?" she asked.

Harry fiddled with the panel. "Based on our entering velocities and our current standstill, about two and a half hours."

"Good. We'll wait at our present location for three hours, and if they haven't shown up by then, we'll get the hell out of here, whether we have to backtrack or not. We'll try to rendezvous with them on the way." She very pointedly did not look at Chakotay. "Continue working on the sensors, and send a transmission on all Federation subspace channels to let the Flyer know we're changing the plans. Even if our chance of communicating with them is slim this far into the phenomenon, I want to give it a shot."

"Yes, Captain," said Harry, the very model of protocol.

Without acknowledging Chakotay, she stormed out.

It took seconds for him to catch up with her anyway. "Sorry about that," he offered, floating horizontally a few centimeters to her right, just above eye level.

She did him the honor of a glower. This was the first time in four days he had voluntarily apologized for his conduct. If she'd been thinking, she would've reprimanded him that first time in sickbay. Since the corridor was empty she said, "What exactly are you apologizing for, Commander? I'd like to hear your side."

He had the grace to look ashamed. "For embarrassing you in front of a crew member."

"And?" Oh, how she longed for artificial grav. She had half a mind to airlock these boots, as they prevented her from achieving a faster pace. Ensign Jenkins approached from the other direction.

"... Kathryn?" Chakotay tried.

Thank goodness they had reached the turbo lift. "Deck one." The acceleration pushed Chakotay's feet to the floor as she lit into him. "That's the second time you've unnecessarily called me by my first name in front of crew members. Do you realize the entire ship will be talking about this within the hour? You are acting monumentally unprofessional," she stated, gesticulating wildly, "And you're the goddamned First Officer! Not only that, but you've been playing some kind of game with me these past few days and, frankly, you are lucky that I haven't documented your disorderly conduct. What the hell is going on in your head?"

"Halt," Chakotay said. He grabbed the side panels to prevent himself from floating up. "I'm sorry, Captain, but I don't understand why you're this upset."

Her hands went to her hips. "I don't believe this. Are you blind?"

The expression on his face was difficult to read, almost blank. "I didn't think I was. What exactly –"

She shook her head and lifted her chin. "Uh uh. You owe me an explanation first."

His shoulders drooped, his head lowered slightly, and he raised his eyes to meet hers. He took a big breath. She began to feel that she had gone too far. "Well... I have feelings for you." His hands clenched and released at his sides. "I'm sorry that it had to come out like this, but it's true. And I believed you felt the same."

Every sound vanished except a faint ringing in her ears. For having expected something like this, she felt utterly tongue tied. "Resume, deck three," she said. They could continue this in her quarters. "I know this is difficult, but..." she risked a small smile. "Hold on a minute."

As they reached deck three in silence and traversed the corridor, bits and pieces of her emotions over the past few days came back to her. Including the anger from a few minutes past. Why hadn't he said so? Why suddenly start coming on to her four days ago after all these years? Something was still off. The possibility of an alien inhabiting his body was definitely on her list.

Halfway through the hallway, her mag-lock boots began the telltale louder whirring noise that heralded their imminent failure. "About time," she muttered, and used the last cohesive steps to moon jump to the door of her quarters.

He caught up momentarily, and as soon as the door was shut behind them, he took her hand. She began to lift off the floor and was glad for the anchor. "Now. Chakotay."

His brows rose hopefully.

"Your behavior hasn't been normal lately. Even if you have been... courting me. Do you agree?"

"I don't know what you mean." She felt certain he was lying. She couldn't tell exactly what led her to this conclusion, but she knew. Whatever he was concealing must be extraordinarily sensitive information. Her hand slipped out of his.

"Why did you act that way in astrometrics just now?"

"Captain, that's a rather..." He licked his lips nervously. "You're a very attractive woman." 

"Are you trying to tell me," she said, beginning to lose patience, "That you felt so overcome with this – this _attraction_ to me that you literally couldn't stop yourself from touching me, whispering to me, and coming within centimeters of..." Her hands flew through the air. "You've never had a problem taking my lead before, and god knows I've tried to make it clear that our relationship is to remain platonic –"

"I never wanted to cause you any pain –"

"Stop skirting the issue. You'd better tell me what's going on right now, or I'm sending you to sickbay to have your head examined. That's an order."

"Okay!" His hand snapped out to grab the bulkhead at the edge of her door. "I get it. I'll stop. No more flirting with the Captain."

When he made as if to leave, she tapped her badge. "Janeway to sickbay."

Apparently deep in thought, he pressed his lips together and slowly shook his head at the floor.

"Sickbay here," came the Doctor's voice.

"I'll tell you," Chakotay said, finally, defeat practically rolling off his shoulders.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "False alarm, Doctor."

As though hoping she would have a change of heart, Chakotay balefully stared at her.

"Well?"

He continued to stare.

Their combadges broke the stillness with Harry's voice. "Captain and Commander to the bridge. Red alert."

"Acknowledged." Sure enough, the ship seemed to be vibrating softly. The hull must be under enormous stress. Selfishly, she considered what Harry must have assumed when he'd reached the bridge and neither she nor Chakotay had arrived yet.

They didn't move. The red lights illuminated them somewhat appropriately in their silent battle of wills. Several seconds passed.

"Look," she attempted. "I can't let you onto the bridge until you tell me what's going on."

"I'm not being inhabited by aliens, if that's what you're wondering."

She studied him, his face drawn, eyes glimmering darkly. "Will keeping it to yourself protect the safety of the ship and crew?"

"No. I screwed up, that's all."

The tremors of the ship became worse. "Damn," she whispered, then, "In the turbo lift, Commander. After you."

"You're not going to like it," he ventured as they floated back through the flashing corridor.

She shot him a wry look. "Believe it or not, that much I've already ascertained for myself."

It was probably an accident, but on their way in through the door of the turbo lift, his arm bumped against hers. The intensity of her desire for him even now, at the height of fury, surprised her. She realized she might soon have to face the possibility of a severe limitation to their friendship. If what he was about to tell her was as awful as he seemed to think, it may be inappropriate for them to spend such a great deal of free time together. Her heart wrenched; it was a bleak prospect. Fifty years would be one hell of a long journey without his constant companionship.

The door whizzed shut. "Deck one." Their feet hit the floor. "Talk."

With a quick, deep breath in, he began. "You remember our conversation over dinner last week about whether or not Harry had the right to be with Tal. Well, what I would have told you that day if we'd had time to finish speaking is that I worried about your personal take on the issue. Were you jealous of Harry because you hadn't had a lover for five years? I figured you and I had a firm enough foundation, and that you might need that kind of relationship. So I tried to create it for you."

The door slid open. After a few seconds, she remembered to breathe.

Chakotay's eyes alighted on the bridge for a nanosecond, then went back to Janeway. "I'm so sorry," he finished. And he looked it. She had never seen him so drowned in longing and self-loathing. "But my feelings for you are, and have always been, genuine."

She blinked. "Commander," she said flatly, gesturing toward the bridge. He appeared to put every emotion into one last glance at her, then pushed off to take his seat. She followed.

Chakotay's pity would have to wait until later. They were both committed enough to their duties not to let a personal issue interfere. He was in for a severe penalty later, but she knew she must command now with a clear head. "Report." Even so, the transition gave her whiplash.

"We're losing structural integrity, Captain," Harry said urgently.

"What's the probability that we're closer to our entrance point than the other side of the dark energy?" she demanded.

"61%."

"Reverse course, maximum warp. Reroute emergency power to structural containment."

Ensign Hargrove tapped the console. "Captain, engines aren't responding."

"Janeway to engineering."

"I know, Captain," came B'Elanna's voice. "I'm working on it. The magnetic containment fields in the warp core are failing. I'm trying to reinforce them with ionic bonding. It'll be a couple more minutes."

"Make it fast."

Blinding sparks flew from several consoles as Voyager bucked – Janeway almost lost her seat. The viewscreen suddenly showed warped stars, as if the ship were already traveling toward them. "Reinforce structural containment with any available power." She tapped her badge. "This is the Captain addressing the entire crew. Evacuate all areas along the hull immediately." To Harry she said, "I want automatic force fields in place the instant there's a hull breech anywhere on the ship."

A sick feeling manifested within her. She had let her personal issues interfere with the safety of the ship and crew over a matter of days. Why had she allowed this to happen? If she had been tuned to the dark energy and less stuck on Chakotay, she felt confident she would've gotten Voyager to safety before this happened.

"Janeway to Torres," she tried.

"Almost got it, Captain!"

Harry bellowed, "Hull breeches on decks three, seven, and fourteen, implementing force fields to compensate. Five casualties in sickbay. Structural containment at 30% and falling." The ceiling began to groan while all its lights blew in a massive flash.

This was it. It wasn't going to work to blame her own ineptitude on Chakotay. She was the one who had let him act that way, and she was the one who had become distracted by him. Looking back on everything Voyager had been trying to tell them, she could see that if she had only paid a little more attention, she would have gotten them out of this mess.

Janeway was going to be responsible for the death of her crew. She had been so careful until now...

"Cut life support to minimal and divert power to structural containment," she ordered. "B'Elanna!"

"Hull breeches on all decks!"

A massive crack ripped open the ceiling, along with a deafening metallic cacophony. A force field buzzed to life, but the disconcerting image of immobile warped stars beyond jarred them all. The chill that accompanied minimal life support didn't help either. Goosebumps sprang up all over Janeway's skin.

"Torres to Janeway – we have warp power!" B'Elanna cried, barely audible over the sounds of the ship's contorting.

"Go!" Janeway yelled at Ensign Hargrove.

His fingers flew over the console. "Course laid in –," the stars beyond began to move, "We're at warp nine point seven, Captain," he said, clearly relieved.

"Captain," Chakotay said quickly, pale as a ghost, the red lights flashing against his skin, "We can't expect Voyager to hold together at warp speed with structural integrity at 30%!"

"Better than sitting around and getting pulled apart!"

Voyager bucked again. This time Chakotay lost his grip on the chair and was propelled toward the force field on the ceiling. Instinctively Janeway bounded off the floor, grabbed the railing behind her chair, and swung her legs up to him. "Grab my feet!" It was difficult to make herself heard over the groaning of the hull.

He got the picture quickly enough, and they rapidly made their way back to their seats. "Thanks," he offered breathlessly.

She couldn't think of anything to say. The ship continued to whine as though ready to break apart any second. "Status, Harry."

"Sickbay is reporting several casualties, three fatalities. According to the computer, seven crew members are missing, including Neelix. Structural containment is at 15%, but holding."

"Janeway to Neelix."

Chakotay made eye contact with her.

"Neelix, respond," she tried again.

The only sound was the ship's creaking. Her fingers were stiff with the falling temperature, curled around the armrests as they were. And the more she stared at the stars on the viewscreen, the less certain she became that they were moving. A glance at the opening in the ceiling showed her that although the stars were still warped, they were merely crawling by.

"Computer, locate Neelix."

She received only a garbled reply with traces of the feminine voice.

"Captain," said Harry, "Structural containment is continuing to hold, but various systems are failing ship-wide. The computer is visual only," at which Janeway began trying to locate Neelix on the command console, "Life support is steady at minimum power, the Doctor is offline, and warp engines are functional, but it's only a matter of time before force fields begin to collapse with the strain of the ship. It's warping, Captain."

Neelix was gone. The computer was unable to locate his combadge or a Talaxian bio-signature.

"Options?" she asked desperately.

"Evacuate," Chakotay replied immediately. "The escape pods have a better chance of making it out than the entire ship."

"Agreed." She sighed. What a colossal mistake she had made! How could she have been so arrogant, to put her own desires above the needs of the ship? "Captain to all hands. Voyager is in imminent danger of collapse. Proceed to escape pods and take Voyager's current heading. Rendezvous with the Delta Flyer if possible; if not, set the safest course for the Alpha Quadrant. Good luck."

How strange, she thought, as she watched the crew leave the bridge. Chakotay remained. The turbo lift doors shut behind the last of them, and still the ship groaned and trembled. Two bulkheads on the starboard side of the bridge buckled and crashed together. The stars on the view screen seemed to be getting closer now, but she knew they wouldn't make it.

"Commander, evacuate! That's an order!" She had to shout over the sound of the ship.

"It's my fault we're in this mess. I refuse to leave you here to die!"

Gripping ever harder on her chair, she turned her head toward him. A deep well of love for him opened, stretching back through all the warm looks and caring words over the years, and she smiled sadly. For everything they had gone through, they hadn't shared so much as a kiss. Against the background roar of the hull, the idea was unreal; she could almost believe that they had. "There's plenty of blame to go around! But if you don't leave, I'll kill you!"

He smiled, somehow. "Nice try! Then you'll never know what your early birthday present was going to be!"

She tilted her head to approximate good humor. "You might as well tell me now!"

"You'll have to wait and see – I'll give it to you tomorrow!"

She turned to her console, unable to respond to his optimism. Structural integrity had begun falling one percentage point every few seconds. Tapping the correct icons in spite of the ship's bucking required every ounce of concentration she possessed. "I'm preparing to divert all life support and force field power to structural containment and the bridge!" She knew full well that such a tactic could collapse the entire ship, including the bridge, in a matter of seconds. Even so, it was her best option.

He spoke, but she couldn't hear him over the increasing racket. The railing behind them came loose and swung sternward into the console with a small white explosion.

"What?" she cried.

"Don't divert yet – the pods haven't disembarked!"

And then – silence.

Stars whizzed past them. "Computer, status," she tried.

Clear and concise, the computer answered. "Traveling at warp nine point seven. Escape pods ready to disembark. Structural containment at 54% and rising."

"Full stop!"

She and Chakotay stared at each other.

She watched him blink, then tap his combadge in a daze. "Chakotay to all hands: evacuation cancelled. We've left the dark energy."


	6. Part 2 Chapter 1

Chakotay had to duck under a broken bulkhead to watch Janeway leave the briefing room. She had a haunted look in her eyes, made slightly eerie by the way she floated slowly out the door.

"You ought to speak with her, Commander," the Doctor gently intoned. "She'll hardly listen to anyone else. I don't want her to isolate herself in her quarters again for two months."

The loss of not only Neelix, but also Seven, Tom, and Tuvok, had seemed to shut her down. The only other time she'd acted so defeated was in the Void, and even then, nobody had died. Chakotay hadn't been able to do a damn thing to help her then, and he failed to discern how this time would be any easier. In fact, after what he'd told her this morning in the turbo lift, he wasn't sure she'd want to set eyes on him.

"I'll see what I can do," Chakotay said to the Doctor, although when he glanced around the heavily damaged room, force fields still in place and table recently returned to its upright position, he saw B'Elanna and Harry watching him as well. Were these really all the senior officers they had left?

"What if the Delta Flyer doesn't magically appear when we catch up with the timeline?" Harry asked.

"We can't think like that," B'Elanna said fiercely. "There's a good chance they'll show up, and we only have to wait until 0800 tomorrow. Or… 0800 four days ago, I suppose." Chakotay admired her optimism, but knew no one believed that. Including, possibly, B'Elanna herself.

None of them, Janeway included, had been able to figure out why the ship had traveled backward through time as it emerged from the phenomenon, but most of them were content to chalk it up to the unstable temporal nature of dark energy.

"But that's nearly fifteen more hours of heading away from our rendezvous point at warp five," Harry replied, pushing off the floor to float toward the window, "Getting chased by an ever-accelerating starship-eating wave of dark energy. If they do show up, they'll be billions of kilometers inside the phenomenon where our sensors can't penetrate. Voyager would implode before we got halfway there."

"It might push them out, like it did us," B'Elanna countered with a shrug. Chakotay observed her struggling to maintain composure. "They're smaller than Voyager, their structural integrity will hold them together."

Harry breathed a cynical laugh. "Didn't you just tell the Captain how big the rift got in engineering before you closed it this last time? If that happened to the Flyer it could get swallowed up. Not to mention that if it shows up at all, another Voyager will probably come with it and get destroyed all over again."

"You're ignoring the fact that they could come out of normal space, too, like we did on the way over here." B'Elanna was technically correct – since they exited the dark energy the day before they had entered, if the other Flyer showed up it would come, like Voyager, from the direction of the Varro.

Chakotay noticed the Doctor staring sadly at the windows, no doubt considering all eleven deaths confirmed since they had re-entered normal space, as well as the three speculated of the away team. B'Elanna had been reinitializing his program at least once every day since they'd entered the dark energy, and had just done so for the second time today after the mobile emitter had succumbed to the catastrophic magnetic interference and shut the Doctor down.

Now that he was back online, Chakotay suspected he felt exactly as despondent as he and the other officers did. Even with the unexpected aid of time travel, most of the crew considered the Flyer irretrievable. In their experience, temporal loops didn't provide multiple copies when the originals still existed.

Before Harry could string together a comeback for B'Elanna, Chakotay spoke up. "There's no use arguing; we have a lot of work to do. Get back to your stations and concentrate on your duties. Dismissed."

As Chakotay had suspected, Janeway was not occupying the captain's chair. He nodded to Harry, then flew to her ready room.

There was no response to his first or second chime. He laid his arm flat on the doorframe and called, "Captain?"

During the impending silence, he made eye contact with Harry, who looked as forlorn as Chakotay felt. Then, a faint, "Come in."

He entered. The darkened room, like every other, had been badly damaged. Her desk had toppled into the air, the railing collapsed, the sofa separated from the floor and floating as though underwater. A force field had replaced one of the windows and the lights flickered abrasively. At last, he spotted her among the detritus – sipping from a covered mug, her legs curled up in front of her, peering out the force field at the warped stars flying past. He bounded to one of the nearby windows and turned to her.

"It wasn't your fault," he tried. Knowing it would fail didn't make him need to say it any less.

"It was. Would you like me to count the ways?" Her slightly mocking tone recalled the conversation they had had during dinner last night. He wished she would meet his eyes. Her easy smile and pink cheeks over wine seemed so far away now.

He sighed. "I accept full responsibility and whatever punishment you see fit."

"I'm afraid assigning blame isn't that easy." She lowered her head slightly. "You distracted me from my responsibility to the ship and crew. Yet it was I, the senior officer, who allowed myself to become distracted. You were very enticing, Chakotay."

He noted her use of past tense, but he had expected no better. "To my way of thinking, it doesn't have to be… distracting. It could be compartmentalized, or it could even enhance your ability to command, if you let it make you happy."

The moment her lips pursed he knew he had said the wrong thing. "That's where I take issue. First of all, clearly, our attempt – your attempt – whatever! It undoubtedly _was_ a distraction, and I fail to see how it could ever be anything but. To try it would mean gambling with the lives of my crew. Secondly," her voice swelled with pain, "You only wanted to build a relationship because you pity me for being alone. So –"

"That's not true –" he tried to throw in.

"So I have a new set of protocols for you, Chakotay!" She uncurled her legs, let her mug float at her side, and placed her hands on her hips imposingly.

His stomach bottomed out and twisted into a knot. When he'd said he would accept any punishment… "Please, listen, Kathryn –"

"You," she sternly called, cutting over his words, "Will address me only as 'Captain'. Our only contact will be to speak about issues related to the functioning of the ship and crew." She paused for a deep breath and blinked fervently against the shine he was certain had snuck into her eyes. "Any lack of adherence to these rules will result in a formal reprimand. Repeated offenses, I'll throw you in the brig. Is that clear?"

He steamed quietly, afraid of what would come out of his mouth if he opened it, deciding just how much he would care about a formal reprimand right this second.

"Commander!"

"Permission to speak freely."

"Denied." The word held every indication of finality.

"Fine!" he bellowed. "Then get ready to issue that reprimand, because I'm going to say it anyway."

"Commander –!"

This time he cut over her protest. "I _never_ pitied you! What I told you in the turbo lift was my rationalization for why it was finally okay to be with you. I have been waiting for years." He made sure she was looking at him before he continued, could see the emotion on his face. "_Years_. Do you know what it feels like to be this close," he held up his hand, thumb and forefinger a centimeter apart, "To the person you're absolutely head over heels for, and know you can't have her? I was at the point where I couldn't wait any longer, so I looked for any excuse, and in my desperation I shot myself in the god damned foot. Does that mean I don't deserve you?"

She grew red with emotion. "Your objections will be noted, but you must stop _now_."

Escalated wildly by her unyielding ignorance, he shouted, "You won't give yourself up to your feelings because you can't stand the thought of losing one centimeter of control! You don't even want to fall in love because it would make you happy, and damned if you would ever consent to letting something so unpredictable into your life!"

She frowned, looking wounded, her mouth constantly resetting as though fighting off tears. Her voice was low, breaking with hurt. "There _is_ no happy. Fourteen people are dead because we were _flirting_ with each other."

He froze as the icy comprehension dawned on him. She would never want to be with him – from now until the end of time, she would associate him with the loss of Neelix, Tuvok, Tom, and Seven. Even if their feelings for each other remained, he knew she would suppress them beneath light years of guilt until they crystallized and shattered.

Numbly, he listened as she recited his formal censure.


	7. Part 2 Chapter 2

For the first time, Chakotay spent an entire shift on the bridge with her and didn't get a single sideways glance. Even as a freshly re-instated Starfleet officer reeking of Maquis loyalty, she had peeked at him frequently, presumably out of distrust. Today he'd felt discomfort roiling in the air around Janeway, her jaw permanently clenched as though it would stop her eyes from straying toward him.

At least treating him this way appeared to be a struggle for her. It certainly was for him.

He rushed for the damaged turbo lift when the shift ended, hot on her tail, determined to have a moment with her on his own terms. She glared at him as he entered – after eight hours, she finally deigned to look at him – and she growled the command, "Deck three." From then on, the door became her focal point.

Both rose to the ceiling and put their arms up to prevent their heads from bumping against the dimmed lights. "You can't act this way forever," he said. The air felt close.

"I can start with fifty years." Her face was unreadable in the semi-darkness and her words betrayed no emotion.

"In order to run the ship, we need to have a working relationship. Trust each other."

"I trust you to do your job."

"That's not what I mean. You need to trust me to speak with you, to be alone with you. Like right now, for example."

She sighed and picked at a fingernail. "You're the one of us I do trust."

They sank rapidly to the floor as the lift stopped. The door opened and she shot out immediately. He followed, confused, and asked, "What?"

"Goodnight."

Before he could catch up, she vanished into her quarters. He came to float at her door, toying with the idea of chiming in.

Crewman Henley propelled herself through the hallway and Chakotay made for his own quarters, nodding to her with purpose. He had no wish to be seen loitering outside the Captain's space, or worse, getting reprimanded by Janeway for chiming.

As he'd expected, his quarters were a mess. "Computer, increase lighting by 50%."

"Unable to comply."

"Can you increase lighting at all?"

"Negative."

It would take hours to sort everything in the dark, and he wasn't in the mood. He pushed off for his bed, shoving furniture and artifacts out of his way as he began to strip. Just after he'd shimmied out of his shell, his hand closed around an object with a familiar feel: rectangular, firm canvas backing, snapping shut as he grabbed it.

_Jane Eyre_. Would he ever give it to her now?

He brought the book to his nose and inhaled – he had used three days' worth of replicator rations on the smell alone. The only other place on Voyager he'd found that scent was in her small collection, so he had borrowed her copy of _Inferno_ again and added the aroma to his replicator's database.

There would be no harm in keeping the gift. Perhaps he would read it before passing it on – he'd only perused it once in grade school. Janeway always said she adored a well-worn book. "Loved," she called them. She might be able to accept a gift from him by May. And she would certainly still want this; even if she wouldn't speak to Chakotay, her devotion to _Jane Eyre_ would never waver.

She had mentioned the book to him a few times over the years, but the most recent occasion stood out in his memory. It was the day some months before when they had reached the gas giant hiding their Borg-enhanced probe, defending it from the Malon while Tom and his team built the Delta Flyer.

He had watched Janeway end a transmission with Vrelk, the captain of the Malon vessel, and immediately storm to her ready room. The floor had practically shaken with the force of her anger. He tried to remember exactly what Vrelk had said… something like, "There's a reason women don't have power in this area of space. You think with your hormones, not with your heads. Malon women are perfectly content to be uneducated housewives. You'd be happier serving your men, too, Captain."

When he'd stepped into her ready room to find her pacing furiously, Chakotay had tried, "He was only posturing – attempting to intimidate you. He's afraid of us."

"Men," she'd steamed. He wasn't sure she'd heard him. "Alien men." Each of her footfalls raised another biting word and her hands flew through the air to express her frustration. "Why can't they be more like human men? Like – you?" She poked him briskly in the chest as she passed him. "You're so enlightened and they're so _primitive_! You see me as an equal – which is terribly gratifying, by the way, I hope you know that by now – and they see me as some dysfunctional, weak-minded, inferior piece of dirt on their shoe. Even worse – think of how they treat their own women. What must life be like for those poor creatures? Forced into submission by those who are physically stronger than they, an entire history and culture poised against the achievement of women's rights!"

"Earth used to be the same way," he calmly added, careful to mask his swell of affection. Her passion made him happy, but as a member of the offending gender he kept that to himself.

"Exactly! When I think about how women were abused even as late as the twentieth century, my blood boils." She halted in front of him where he had come to rest at the windows. One hand on her hip, the other pointing and gesturing, she continued, "In 1996, Chakotay, while we were running around after Starling, soldiers in the Middle East and Africa were demonstrating their ultimate power over the land they'd conquered by raping countless women and children. In much of the world, women had barely any control over their own lives. Even in the United States, they were seen as sex objects, and when they took measures to improve their situation, they were laughed at for _imagining_ that blatant sexism! It's awful that such a derogatory philosophy still exists in so many alien cultures."

"No argument there," he said. "But how did the women of Earth achieve true equality? Did a more enlightened alien species step in and force the men to reconsider?"

She blinked rapidly under her knitted brow, the face she always employed when she wanted to make haste. Her hand circled as she plowed through her rebuttal. "No, of course not, they fought for it themselves, but it took them hundreds of years and even now women have barely gained a toehold on positions of power."

"Wouldn't the fight of alien women be cheapened if you were to step in and express your thoughts on the matter?"

She relaxed slightly. "Of course, Chakotay. Not to mention the Prime Directive." A large sigh brought her down to the sofa; he sat next to her. "It's just –"

"Infuriating, I know." He smiled in sympathy. "I'm angry myself."

She grinned crookedly back at him and rested her cheek on her fist. "Too bad I can't order you to conduct an away mission with the express purpose of enlightening the Malon."

"I'd be happy to. Think of all the praise I could offer womankind, with you as my prime example."

Her eyebrows went up. "I'd need to keep an open comm link with you, in that case."

"To check on the accuracy of my stories?"

Her smile deepened. "Something like that. I'd also have to brief you on the great feminist figures in Earth's history. Mary Wollstonecraft, Betty Friedan, Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel, Meredith Ady…" She sighed reverently. "_Jane Eyre_…"

"_Jane Eyre_?"

"She may have been fictional, yet she fought alongside the rest of them. I admit I don't know much about Charlotte Brontë, but Jane I've known since I was ten years old. Sometimes I hear her voice over my shoulder, telling me never to abandon my principles."

He tipped his head to the side and adored her quietly. "Sounds like you've been reading up. I didn't know you had a copy."

"I don't," she admitted, her lips flattening in playful dismay. "Mine is sitting on my mother's sunny bookshelf in Indiana collecting dust. Whatever possessed me to leave it there, I couldn't tell you."

"Why not replicate it?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, collecting her thoughts as the corner of her lip quirked up. "You know the feel and the smell of an old book?"

"You mean crumbly and moldy?" he teased.

She swatted him on the arm. "Hardly. I mean pages that aren't quite cut evenly, bound in good canvas, and when you open it the scent brings you right back to the first time you read it, sitting in a tree with nothing else to do but immerse yourself completely in a good story. The replicator, I'm sure, can't do it justice."

Chakotay stroked the book, his attention back in the present, acutely aware of the yawning gulf that separated him from her now. He peered toward the dark wall they shared, imagining her in that satin nightgown as she bundled into bed.

The possibility of getting over her skittered across his mind. Yet he knew from experience that as long as he lived, his infatuation would persist whether he wanted it to or not, and thoughts of her would occupy his mind in every waking moment.

He would wait, like he had since New Earth. And when he couldn't wait anymore, he would give her the book.

He barely slept for thinking of her.


	8. Part 2 Chapter 3

The sound of whispering spread through the Great Forest like wind rustling the leaves. The service had been scheduled for 1200 hours, but Janeway was five minutes late and counting. Most of the crew's furtive glances were shot in Chakotay's direction.

As though he had the power to do anything about it. He hadn't seen her since the cryptic dismissal last night outside her quarters.

He exhaled deeply and tapped his combadge. "Chakotay to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here."

The whispering quieted immediately. They didn't bother to hide their interest now.

"We're waiting for your arrival to begin the service, Captain." Chakotay stared up at the canopy, hands on his hips.

There was a long pause. Chakotay started to wonder if he would have to lead the service. He hadn't prepared anything.

"I'm on my way," she finally replied.

Chakotay heard several exclamations from the crowd, including, "I thought she was going to bail!" and, "Do you think she's mad at him?" He wasn't sure how that particular tidbit had circulated through the ship already; he certainly hadn't told anyone. Slightly resentful that they would be so gossipy at a time like this, he pushed off the nearest tree and headed for B'Elanna, Harry, and the Doctor, who were floating – and, in the Doctor's case, standing – apart from the rest of the crew.

Three pairs of wide eyes turned toward Chakotay as he grabbed a branch and anchored himself. Harry asked, "Do you think she intended to skip it?"

He supposed morale was his job now. "Not at all, Harry. I'm sure she got wrapped up in something and lost track of the time. She would never miss this; it's too important to her."

"She's not doing well," the Doctor replied. "I can't get near her with a tricorder."

"I thought she was planning on ignoring us because she's the only one on this ship who's allowed to feel guilty," B'Elanna said, perhaps more bitingly than she had intended. She hastily added, "I mean… we need her. And anyway, it's not her fault."

"It never is," Harry agreed.

Chakotay tried not to let the guilt get to him, but it had been seeping through the cracks anyway. Janeway wore her heart on her sleeve, whether she wanted to or not; Chakotay, however, kept his remorse tucked inside, so that no matter how miserable he was, he could present a collected front. When others spoke to Janeway's blame, he couldn't help taking more on himself. He pictured Neelix getting sucked out of the mess hall into the crackling mass of dark energy, ripped into multiple universes at once. "You're right," he said, as much to reassure them as to stifle his own imagination. "Don't worry, she's still the same stoic captain she always has been."

"This," Harry said, waving his hand at their surroundings, "Was a great idea, Commander. I'm sure Neelix would be happy to know we were sending him and the others off like this."

Chakotay shrugged. "Well, we couldn't very well have done it in the mess hall, what with half of it hanging out into open space. The Great Forest seemed like an appropriate substitute."

B'Elanna blinked solemnly at the tree trunk nearest her. "It's possible the Delta Flyer is out there, right? I mean, this isn't a funeral for Tom. Or Tuvok or Seven." As expected, the Flyer hadn't shown up that morning when Voyager caught up with the beginning of the temporal loop. Voyager had been making long-range scans since the second everyone had returned from their escape pods yesterday, but they weren't producing any information about the away team.

Chakotay didn't have the heart to negate her comment, but he witnessed the Doctor frown and begin to open his mouth. "Doctor," he quickly said, "Maybe afterward, you could sing a lament?"

The placated Doctor latched onto the idea. "As a matter of fact, I've prepared several."

The arch appeared and opened with a louder tugging noise than usual; that door was one of at least a thousand repairs that needed to be made. Janeway sped through in her dress uniform and deftly seized a branch in the center of the hushed crowd. "Thank you for your patience," she called in a clear voice.

Before she began the service, Chakotay cautiously floated closer to her. His place as First Officer was at her side. When he got there, she peered up at him. Her face betrayed no emotion, but in the dappled sunlight he thought her eyes seemed slightly pink around the edges. She was absolutely lovely. "Commander," she nodded in greeting.

"Captain."

The entire crew watched the exchange.

For another couple of heartbeats, she looked at him in that familiar way, her eyes darting between the two of his as though she wanted to see them both at the same time. He could almost believe she regretted the wedge she had driven between them yesterday. And while his hopes were buoyed by that improbable idea, he desperately blurted, "I'm glad you came," quietly enough so that nobody else could hear.

Her lips tightened in the second it took him to say it, and once he had finished she instantly turned back to the crew to begin the service.


	9. Part 2 Chapter 4

Janeway gripped the freshly re-installed console in astrometrics to address Harry, B'Elanna and Chakotay. "How long before Voyager is ready to go back in?"

Chakotay, who had arrived a moment ago, peered around Janeway to the flickering image she had transferred to the screen. It showed a flight path in which Voyager re-entered the dark energy. The Delta Flyer was positioned inside, optimistically near the leading edge. It was speculative, of course. Sensors couldn't penetrate the phenomenon any more now than they could six days ago.

He saw B'Elanna and Harry exchange a look of doubt. "Captain?" Harry asked timidly.

"You heard me, Ensign," she replied with a tip of her chin. If her idea weren't so off, Chakotay wouldn't have known her mind must still be in turmoil. She wore the same good-natured but impatient expression he had seen a thousand times before, her eyebrows drawn together and lashes fluttering in alacrity.

"We won't even be able to graze the perimeter for weeks!" B'Elanna answered hotly, visibly frustrated with her own helplessness. "Our hull is in a million pieces."

"Not good enough," Janeway threw back.

"Captain," Chakotay tried, "We're doing all we can to hold Voyager together just so we can maintain warp seven in normal space. A stray piece of dust could destroy us right now."

She fixed her steely gaze on Chakotay. "I realize that, Commander. However, I've been manipulating some algorithms. Correct me if I'm wrong, but," she tapped the console, "Within eighteen hours, the dark energy will be expanding so quickly that our maximum warp speed won't be able to keep us ahead. We have no choice but to re-enter."

The three of them watched the dark cloud shoot out like a black supernova, encompassing Voyager and pushing it along. The wavering screen neglected to show the ship imploding.

"Too bad we never made it to the other side," Janeway continued. "We might have been able to ride that shock wave for a few thousand light years."

"There must be a star system we could find refuge in," B'Elanna said. "Maybe we could hide behind a planet?"

"It won't work," Chakotay responded, gleaning the finality of their situation from the set of Janeway's jaw. "Dark energy takes everything, including planets and stars."

"So," Janeway said, "We need a plan. Suggestions?"

Silence.

"Escape pods," Chakotay answered in a low voice.

"Last resort," Janeway said. "I don't want to break up the family any more than it already has been. What else?"

Again, nothing.

"Well," Janeway said after a minute, "We're going in sooner or later, so we'd best redouble our efforts on the hull. Commander, I want everyone pulling double shifts, triple if we have to. Lieutenant, start looking at what power you can divert toward structural integrity. The instant we drop out of warp, regardless of the circumstances, I want the available power routed to where we need it most."

Chakotay and B'Elanna nodded in grave acknowledgement. "What about the Delta Flyer, Captain?" B'Elanna inquired.

"We'll find them. Dismissed."

Chakotay saw Harry and B'Elanna appear almost taken aback by her clipped assurance. It wasn't that it hadn't been sincere, it just sounded like an order. He watched the two of them leave.

Once the door had shut he turned to Janeway. It was the first time she had allowed him to linger alone with her for two days. He dipped his head. "Captain…"

She crossed her arms and floated above the platform. "Yes?" Her flat tone didn't lend him much comfort.

"How are you feeling?"

"Commander," she said in warning.

"The way I see it, your feelings are part of the functioning of the ship and crew." He tried not to sound bitter, but he feared some of his pain slipped into his voice anyway. He wasn't sure why he was asking her how she was – he had a pretty good idea already.

"I disagree."

It was a risky move, but he kicked off the floor toward her and caught the console with his foot right before he would have bumped into her. He didn't touch her, but rather used the opportunity to look at her.

She remained exactly where she was, staring ahead, feathers unruffled. Even when he knew she would be able to feel his breath on her ear.

"What's your plan?" he asked, innocently enough.

Her eyes shot over to his. He could see her debating whether or not she wanted to order him to back off; proximity was something she had forgotten to prohibit. "I'll keep Voyager in normal space as long as I can," she said, her tone a micron softer.

Heartened, he pressed on. "And when the dark energy catches up with us?"

This time she faced him. Their noses were less than ten centimeters apart. "I have a few tricks up my sleeve." She absently fiddled with her combadge.

Alarms went off in his head. When she had said that in the past, it had usually meant she intended to go on a suicide mission. "You're not going to take a shuttle out there by yourself, are you?"

Her brows notched up. "No."

He narrowed his eyes. Why had he asked? She'd never admit to it – she had to know that if Chakotay was privy to her plan, she wouldn't make it into the shuttle bay.

In response to his suspicion, the corner of her lip turned up. He sensed her defenses crumbling. "I'd have no sensors, Cha- Commander." She looked to the ceiling. "Why would I take a shuttle in if I had no sensors?"

"You've never been big on explaining your reasons for endangering your own life. Please, promise me you won't." His emotion was sincere, although he wondered scathingly if she would give him another reprimand for that.

She let out an aggrieved breath, so near him he felt it puff against his chest. "Chakotay…" Her eyes traveled up to his.

The air around them felt charged. If he kissed her, he might – no, _would_ – get slapped. But he could smell her shampoo and feel her body heat, and not for the first time his mind made a wild leap and wondered what it would be like to make love to her in zero-g. He didn't trust himself to speak just yet. After two days devoid of this kind of interaction with her, he felt slightly overwhelmed.

"I don't have to promise you anything," she finally said, her voice warm and liquid.

He drew a shuddering breath, hoping it sounded louder in his head than it would to her. "And what are you going to do about the Flyer?"

She nodded confidently. "I have a good feeling about them. Seven would tell me I'm being irrational, Tuvok would call me illogical… but when they show up they might be able to forgive me. I'm quite certain we'll also get Neelix back, experimental bananas Foster and all."

This was going far better than he had expected. If she felt this optimistic about the casualties, she might be able to detach her grief from her attraction to him. Presuming it still existed, of course. "You didn't have such a good feeling about them a couple of days ago. What changed your mind?"

She grinned at him, and his heart soared. "Part of those tricks," she said, lifting her arm and showing him the inside of her sleeve.

He couldn't fight the titanic strength of his affection for her, especially not when she did something so quintessentially Janeway as that. He took her raised hand within his own and almost winced at his daring, for if she were going to slap him, she would surely do it now.

The smile dropped from her face. She tipped her chin down as she continued to peer into his eyes, and although her fingers twitched in his grip, they didn't wrap around his hand. "Please let go."

He complied immediately, but didn't apologize.

She nearly laid her hand on his shoulder, but at the last moment seemed to think better of it and placed it on the side of her face, instead. "Try to understand, Chakotay." Her arms crossed and she tilted her head sadly, continuing in a low, but kind, voice. "I can't be tempted by you any longer. The feelings I have for you are too powerful. That's why I need to distance myself from you – it's the only way they might dissipate. It's not meant to be a punishment."

He swallowed. "You know how I feel about that."

"Yes. But you've always respected my wishes, and I expect nothing less from you now."

"I wish…" He rubbed the back of his neck, then let his arm float to his side. "I wish I could just…" and met her eyes. "Kiss you. _Once_."

Her eyes, darting between the two of his, told him she wished – desperately – for the same thing. She closed them and shook her head. When she looked back up at him, brows drawn together, she whispered, "Stop," like the word had taken every gram of strength she possessed.

Before he could take another tender breath, she had hooked her foot under the console, pulled herself down, and breezed out the door.

He pressed his hands to his face.


	10. Part 2 Chapter 5

Repair teams had barely touched the mess hall. Chakotay didn't blame them. Not only was it unessential to the ship's functioning, but he wouldn't know where to begin restoring it. The floor extended two meters beyond the force fields because so much of the hull had been torn off, and the kitchen had been sucked clean before the breech had been sealed. Every bulkhead was cracked, buckled, or broken – the only thing holding the room together was the structural integrity field.

He floated unhurriedly to a small open space by the force field and watched warped stars approach and fly past for a few minutes. Like in many parts of Voyager, the environmental controls were slightly off. It was chilly enough for Chakotay to see his breath.

Now that he was here, he found that he enjoyed having a refreshing moment to himself. The images this room conjured were less pleasant: Neelix, again, pried savagely into the vacuous energy; the Delta Flyer, ripped open in one too many places, the hull failing; Tom, Tuvok and Seven torn into multi-dimensional rifts one at a time, watching each other die.

Chakotay knew, without a doubt, that the away team was dead. The evidence against their survival was too strong. Janeway and B'Elanna needed to come to that conclusion on their own… but it might be time for him to help them on their journey there. One might be easier than the other.

His heart started racing when he reviewed his conversation with Janeway from this morning. Was she in denial about the Delta Flyer? More importantly, was she really going to fly solo into the dark energy? And how could that bring back the dead? He decided to keep a close eye on her – the second she showed any signs of preparing to leave, he'd stop her. They'd already lost four senior officers. Losing the Captain as well would ruin the crew, First Officer included.

He heard a long beep from behind him. A pair of hands forced the starboard door open and B'Elanna's head popped through. "Oh," she said, once it had opened completely. "Want me to find somewhere else to contemplate the meaning of life, or can I join you?"

"Come on in," he answered, then turned back toward the force field. "How are you doing?"

He listened as she picked over the debris and made her way to a diagonal bulkhead adjacent to the one he had anchored himself to. "Never better. You?"

"Seriously, B'Elanna."

She sighed, anguished. "I don't want to talk about it." When she saw his skeptical expression, she dipped her head with attitude. "Seriously."

"I don't think they're coming back," he stated gently.

"That's… why I don't want to talk about it." She crossed her arms and blinked at the stars. "If this is all you have to say, I'll go back to engineering and punch Ensign Vorik in the face. I came up here to clear my head."

"Fine. Should we discuss redecorating?"

She breathed a laugh. "Please. It would be easier to chop the whole mess hall off the ship."

"Unfortunately, that's the same conclusion I came to, but I'm under orders to fix it without jettison."

"What'd you do to get stuck on repair duty?" she smirked.

"Don't tell me you heard it too."

"Chakotay, _everyone_'s heard it. She's pissed. And the crew is probably happy to have something other than their… dead friends to talk about." B'Elanna's voice caught on the difficult word, but she plowed through as if to prove she could handle saying it without emotion.

He couldn't believe his relationship with Janeway was really that interesting to the crew. It was true, a couple of hours after their exchange in astrometrics, she had ordered him off the bridge and into the mess hall to whip it into shape. Now that he was here, he wondered if she had sent him out of anger, or because she hadn't wanted to be "tempted" by him.

"When does anyone have time to talk about trivialities?" Chakotay asked B'Elanna. "I've slept about seven hours total since we escaped the dark energy and other than that I've been working non-stop."

"Do you lose the ability to speak while performing manual labor?"

He had to smile, albeit half-heartedly. "Sounds like I need to crack down on gossip."

"Come on. Inquiring minds. You could at least confide in me."

He shot her a glance and saw the miniature clouds of her breath silhouetted against the inky black beyond the force field. He didn't respond. She had to know he didn't talk about his friendship – or whatever it was – with Janeway.

"I know you hate to kiss and tell, but –"

"Excuse me?" he said. "Since when does B'Elanna Torres care about other peoples' relationships?"

"– But honestly, Chakotay, I could use a good distraction." She sniffed as the cold started affecting her nose. He could tell there was truth to her words. Dark circles had cropped up under eyes lately.

"What did Vorik do to you? Must have been pretty bad if you're trying to pry into my thoughts."

She seemed to realize he wasn't going to divulge. "Told me it was illogical to postpone the acceptance of my mate's death. And that Tom was probably…" Her mouth slid up to the side and she shook her head. "Well, he told me how he guessed Tom had probably died."

"I'm surprised you haven't already punched Vorik in the face." Chakotay envied the Vulcans at times like these, as he was sure everyone did. But that didn't make their discourtesy any easier to swallow.

"I… may have chucked a damaged plasma manifold at his head."

"Lieutenant!"

"He dodged it!"

Chakotay eyed her sternly. "You can't go around throwing heavy objects at crew members. If you need time off, take it. Better that than injuring somebody."

Her shoulders traveled up to her ears. "Voyager can't afford to give me time off!" She brought her voice down and seemed to regain some confidence. "It won't happen again. Like I said, I came up here to cool down. Once that manifold left my fingers, I knew I had to get Vorik out of my sight for a while. I'll be fine." She winced. "You gonna tell the Captain? I don't want to stress her out any more than she already is."

He turned back to the force field, contemplating whether there was any answer he could give that wouldn't lead to B'Elanna asking further questions about what had transpired with Janeway. He settled on a simple, "No."

"You must not be telling her much of anything lately, huh?"

A brusque tilt of his head was all the reply he gave her.

"You would feel better if you got it off your chest, Chakotay. I saw the way you were buttering her up a few days ago. What happened? She douse your advances with the Starfleet protocol wet blanket?"

"Not exactly. I'll tell you, but this stays between –"

"I won't tell a soul."

He tucked his numbing fingers under his arms. She had figured most of it out already, anyway. So, in a quiet voice, he told her, "She has feelings for me, but she believes they distracted her into losing the fourteen crew members. She's avoided me like the plague since we cleared the dark energy."

"Wow." B'Elanna sniffled and rubbed her hands on her crossed arms. "She must really want you badly if she has to avoid you just to focus on the ship. I'm sorry, Chakotay." He heard the pain in her voice as she tried to separate her grief from her sympathy for him. In her view, it must have been unfair – how even though Chakotay couldn't really have Janeway, at least the one he wanted was alive and well.

"It's not so bad," he said, shrugging. It was a lie, but given the circumstances, he felt driven to say it anyway.

"Yes, it is," she replied vehemently. "You deserve to be happy."

Sometimes Chakotay felt he was getting kicked around no matter what he did. He shook his head.

"You love her, don't you?"

He didn't have to respond; he knew it was written all over his face.


	11. Part 2 Chapter 6

"I'm picking up an object riding the edge of the dark energy," Harry announced from the ops station, a fair amount of excitement in his voice.

Chakotay and Janeway whipped their heads around to Harry. "An escape pod?" Chakotay asked at the same time Janeway said, "On screen."

Through a haze of exhaustion, Chakotay blinked at the viewscreen. "Magnify." He scratched his stubble, wanting to make certain he wasn't seeing things. Indeed – the object was unmistakably a photon torpedo casing sporting the blinking light of an escape pod.

"Who's inside?" Janeway demanded. She set her magnetic mug on the armrest, her sleeves rolled up almost to the elbows and her shell unzipped. Chakotay had lost count of how many times she'd refilled her coffee since the night shift began. Both had elected to forgo sleeping, Janeway presumably because they were so close to the time when the dark energy would catch up with them, and Chakotay because he wanted to make sure she didn't escape in a shuttle. His frantic desire to devise her plan had faded into a tired sense of failure. He hadn't made a micron of progress, and he kept coming back to that fact like a tongue to an aching tooth. He felt totally helpless; he really might lose her.

"It's Tuvok," Harry answered, suddenly with a low, husky tone. "He's dead."

Chakotay watched Janeway's face fall. She slipped into stunned silence.

"Beam him directly to sickbay," Chakotay ordered. "Lock onto the escape pod with a tractor beam and tow it into shuttle bay two."

As the beam shot out and carried the pod in, Chakotay saw how many fissures, dents, and holes peppered its casing. Harry was careful to avoid contacting the dark energy with the tractor beam.

"Captain, there's a message embedded in the pod's computer."

Janeway seemed too buried in shock to speak – she nodded to Harry, who routed the message through to the bridge.

"Tuvok to Voyager." His voice sounded uncharacteristically rough. "Seven and Mr. Paris have regrettably perished. I am sure Voyager encountered the same difficulties with inter-dimensional rifts and structural integrity failures that crippled us. Suffice it to say, both Mr. Paris and Seven of Nine performed their duties with admirable bravery until the end." Chakotay observed floating tears sparkling in front of Janeway's eyes. He wished he could take her hand.

"I abandoned the Delta Flyer," the transmission continued, "Once it became clear it would not survive the dark energy. I provided my crew members with the best space burial I could conjure under the circumstances. I'm afraid I don't hold much hope for my own safe return to Voyager. I'd like the crew to know that I have enjoyed serving with you all for the past five years. To Captain Janeway, I offer my sincere regrets that I am unable to finish the journey with an honorable, intelligent… highly illogical… captain, and friend, such as yourself." Janeway's lips curled upward sadly. "I wish you all a safe, timely quest home. Tuvok out."

Allowing himself a moment for his own grief, Chakotay closed his eyes and said a silent prayer for the spirits of Tuvok, Tom, and Seven. If only they could go back in time and avert this crisis…

In a stroke of fate, her plan became clear to him. His fatigue sloughed off him like dead skin from a snake. He knew what he had to do, and the end result would be more than worth the effort. The details began fitting together in his mind, although he anticipated some pieces of this puzzle would be more complicated to orchestrate than others.

His buzzing mental preparation was interrupted by the comm system. "Doctor to the bridge. There's… nothing I can do for Commander Tuvok. I'm sorry. I'll have a report ready in a few hours."

With a glance at Janeway, it became clear she wouldn't be responding, so Chakotay did the honors. "Acknowledged." If everything worked, the Doctor wouldn't need to write that report at all.

When Chakotay turned his eyes back to Janeway, he was surprised to find her staring at him. Her look hit him in the chest like a plasma surge, and he knew with every fiber of his being that the moment had come. He had only seconds to stop her from leaving.

He weighed his options. If he tried to persuade her not to go, there was no way she would bend her will. But if he let on that he knew her plan, she might provide enough details for him to slip around her and escape before she did. All he needed to do was delay her departure. That was it – as long as he got to the Sacajawea first, he'd be home free. Of course, he realized unpleasantly, he'd still have to act like he wanted to trade places with her. Otherwise she'd get suspicious.

"Don't," he said to her softly as his palms began to sweat on the armrests.

Her brows knotted together. "In my ready room, Commander. Harry, you have the bridge." She kicked off in haste; Chakotay leapt to her side swiftly.

They turned to face each other just inside the door. "How much do you know?" she asked, crossing her arms. Although she didn't appear to harbor any frustration toward him, the grief – surely superficial, like his – seemed to give her pause. Her tears had stopped, but her tone fell uncharacteristically flat.

"Let's just say I know enough." The flickering lights and cold air ratcheted up his anxiety. In the absence of any logical argument, he opened the dams and shunted all the furious worry and love into his voice. "Let me go instead."

Her eyes softened and her brows raised. "I can't let you do that, Chakotay. I'd be sentencing you to death."

"I can't let you go for the same reason."

She shook her head. "You can," she answered conversationally, as though they were discussing lunch options, "And will, allow me to complete my mission, because I am the Captain and you are my First Officer. I want you on the bridge when I go. The crew will need you."

A glimmering tidbit snagged at his brain, and before he could think twice the thought shot out of his mouth. "A Captain always goes down with her ship. You're needed here."

"Nice try," she said, smiling crookedly under a furrowed brow. "But suicide missions are always the Captain's prerogative."

He considered highlighting how slim their chance of success happened to be. He guessed no better than 10% or 15%, and doubted she had a more promising estimate. Broaching the subject out loud might exacerbate their collective apprehension, he decided. Talking about her death and the prospects of somehow surmounting the dark energy with a grand total of three senior officers and barely enough hands to run a severely impaired starship struck him as valid, but unnecessary, pessimism. They had no other options.

He switched tacks. "At least let me come with you."

She drew herself up and responded firmly. "Commander, you will take command of Voyager when I disembark. This is not up for debate."

He nodded and closed his eyes for a moment, feigning acceptance of her order, hating himself for deceiving her. "When are you leaving?"

"Since I have a chance to brief you first, I'll depart at 0300 hours." That would give him at least forty-five minutes, which should be plenty of time. She continued, "I'll exit the bridge and hand over command quietly. I trust you understand that this is classified information – the crew is not to discover my mission."

"Aye, Captain." And now for the tricky part – the subterfuge that would grant him access to the shuttle bay before she noticed his absence. "I'll run a diagnostic on the Sacajawea for you in case it needs any basic repairs."

"Good. And…" She put out her hand, palm up, completely trusting. Was she finally ready to treat him with affection again? When he enclosed her hand in his, she warmly intoned, "Thank you, Chakotay."

Never did she look so lovely as when he couldn't have her. His stomach twisted painfully at the thought of this impending goodbye. He steeled himself; this would have to be fast if he wanted to retain control.

A bold impulse struck him, but he figured she might indulge him: he hooked an arm around her waist to pull her close. On the way into the embrace, surprise flickered across her features, but he clutched her against him almost tightly enough to crack her ribs and received no complaint. As the air squeezed from her lungs she emitted a breathy noise that warmed his neck, then wrapped around him just as fiercely. He planted a soft kiss on the crown of her head and buried his nose in her bound hair.

"I'm sorry," she murmured into his chest. He felt her voice reverberate through him. "To hell with protocol. I'll strike the reprimand from your record."

"If your mission succeeds, you won't have to," he replied, suffused with tempered joy. Her arms loosened, so he unwound and held her at arm's length. "Good luck, Kathryn. I might not see you again."

She slipped her fingers around his elbows. "You'll see me on the other side," she whispered, attempting to smile.

He left before the temptation to stay with her forever swallowed him whole.


	12. Part 2 Chapter 7

In a daze, he floated and pulled his way down to the shuttle bay wondering why he hadn't kissed her. The question was as slick as a velocity disk; no answer would stick to it and the very asking made his mission a thousand times more difficult. He would have turned around and redone that farewell if not for the knowledge that this was Kathryn Janeway. If she had wanted to kiss him, she would have kissed him. End of story.

At least he had planted her gift.

The shuttle bay doors stuck, so he spent a few minutes at the control panel. His desire to return to her blossomed into a tender ache. With each passing second, he became more convinced he should go back. The thought so distracted him that before he knew it, the console had erupted in a shower of sparks. He cursed under his breath and set to work on prying the door open with his hands. If it wouldn't give, he could opt for the Jeffries tubes – or her ready room.

He grunted with frustration and exertion as the heavy portal finally gave way.

The Sacajawea floated ominously inside. Chakotay braced himself against the doorframe and peered up and down the dark corridor, unwilling to commit quite yet. Voyager seemed eerily hushed with so many systems down and most of the crew asleep.

He heard a door swoosh shut from just around the bend, where the turbo lift was. Janeway's voice carried around the corner. "Chakotay!"

His heart leapt into his throat. "Kathryn?" He shoved himself toward her, unable to see her around the curving hallway. He couldn't get to her fast enough.

When she appeared, she wore an expression of blazing determination and desperation. He imagined he looked much the same. "Kathryn," he said again, just to say it, as they pulled themselves together at top speed.

The distance closed and his breath caught at the electricity in her bright eyes. As soon as they were within reach of each other, her outstretched hands dug into the fabric of his uniform and she yanked his mouth down to hers.

The kiss was passionate but frantic, their manic anxiety about the looming mission tainting what should have been a perfect, carefree moment. He felt her arms behind his shoulders, fingers clinging to his neck. His hands fastened to her back and hair and he gave himself up to his feelings, kissing her like she was water and he was dying of thirst. When she moaned into his mouth, as she had when she'd first tried his butternut squash soup, he shuddered with desire. He had known she would moan from the first time he'd shared a meal with her.

He tossed his fantasy of taking her in zero-g aside. This was better. And through it all, their feet didn't touch the ground.

"Torres to the Captain," came B'Elanna's tortured voice.

They broke apart and their foreheads bumped together like magnets. B'Elanna must have heard about Tuvok and the away team. Her pain, although a serious concern, wouldn't last very long if everything went according to plan.

In a fit of daring, Chakotay pulled back a little and tapped Janeway's combadge for her. Her eyes flickered up to his with a grin he hoped would haunt his dreams.

"Janeway here."

"Request permission to be relieved of duty immediately."

"B'Elanna, I'm on my way to engineering. We'll discuss this when I arrive. Janeway out."

"She'll be okay," Chakotay said, still breathing heavily. "I'm glad you came down."

"I am too." She ran a thumb over his stubbly jaw line fondly, a gesture so simple and caring that he wished he could relive it every day. Her eyes followed the motion, then danced up to meet his gaze. She beamed for a second or two, a heart-stopping display of happiness that upended his sense of gravity all over again. She seemed to fight the expression down and compel herself to say, "I have to go, Chakotay."

He tucked a strand of her hair back. "I'm really going to miss this when the timeline resets."

She kissed him sweetly, though her distress burst onto her face once she pulled away. "Have a little faith. Our intrepid Captain has found the right man," she said, her voice serious and low with what sounded like forced control. "And regardless of which timeline she's in, I think we'll find that she's loath," she added a headshake, "To let him go."

He began to panic as the moment ground to a halt. What if she suddenly figured out that he intended to defy her orders? She disentangled herself from his arms without breaking eye contact. In a frenzy, he tried to come up with something meaningful to say. He held onto her arm until she removed his hand herself, and all he could think about was how much he wanted to protect her, how immensely he loved her, and how much this goodbye was going to hurt.

Her last touch: a squeeze to his hand.

Her last look: eyes bright with tears that wouldn't fall, full of profound sadness.

Her last words: a whisper, "You owe me a present."


	13. Part 2 Chapter 8

Heart hammering and stomach roiling, Chakotay opened the airlock. Through the view port of the Sacajawea, beyond the shuttle bay doors, he could see nothing but the crackling liquid-like wave of dark energy on Voyager's tail.

He had never been so frightened. His only shred of comfort was that Janeway was safe, instead of alone in this shuttle like he was. Quickly, before he lost his nerve, he guided the Sacajawea out, engaged the shields, and flew toward the energy.

His combadge beeped. "Janeway to Chakotay." Damn, that had been fast.

He wiped his clammy hands on the thighs of his pants and tapped the badge. "Chakotay here." His own voice sounded like it was a light year away. He continued on an intercept course. It wasn't hard; virtually any vector would have gotten him there.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" She didn't sound angry, despite her choice of words, but very much on edge.

Oddly, he felt relieved. There was nothing Voyager could do to get him back now. "I guess you could say I'm pulling a Janeway."

"Chakotay, I want you to listen very carefully." She paused, and when she continued, she used the same pained tone, voice breaking. "I order you to return to Voyager. _Immediately_."

He took his hands off the console and slumped his shoulders. "I can't do that, Kathryn. If I come back, you'll lock me in the brig while you race out in a shuttle and blow yourself up."

Again, a short pause. "Exactly. Now return, or you get a formal reprimand." She must have been on the bridge or in engineering; if she were in private, she would've referenced the first censure.

"I can't." He rubbed his hands over his face. "Even though I would only be aware of your death for an instant before the explosion destroyed Voyager, it would be the most painful instant I can imagine. I've watched you nearly die before, and I'm not keen on repeating the experience." He wished he could tell her more, but she wouldn't want the crew to hear anything else about their relationship.

Gauging the distance of the dark energy proved to be tricky; his sensors were already blinded and it looked the same as it had when he'd set out from Voyager, though the stars on his sides had begun to still into warped blurs. "You owe me a present," she responded quietly.

"I left it in your ready room." His shuttle began to vibrate, though he hadn't entered yet.

"Wait," she said desperately, emotion pouring into her voice. "_Wait until I find it_!" Was she on the bridge, saying that in front of the crew?

"I will," he answered.

The seconds stretched. How strange, to be floating inside a tremulous craft without being whipped around himself.

"A book," she said, "_Jane Eyre_!" Silence, presumably as she inspected the artifact. "And – the smell! You must have used a week of replicator rations on this. It's like an original copy."

He swallowed. It was getting closer. "Do you like it?"

Rather than replying directly, she read to him, though the transmission started breaking down. "'I have known you Mr. Rochester; and it strikes me with terror and anguish to feel I absolutely must be torn from you forever,'" for a second he lost her, "'It is like looking on the necessity of death…'"

"Kathryn," he interjected urgently, cursing himself for not saying it sooner, "I love you!"

Only static came through, so he tried again. "I_ love _you!" He wasn't sure if she'd heard him. He swatted at the tears that glistened in front of his eyes. "Damn it!" he hissed.

With difficulty, he keyed in the sequence that would grant him a view of Voyager. His small screen showed the rear, heavily damaged even after two days of repairs. Enormous sections of the hull plating gaped open and in places he could see into corridors and quarters. Everyone he cared about was on that ship.

He steeled himself as the shuttle penetrated the edge of the dark energy. The shaking increased, but he was in, nothing but featureless black ahead.

The computer chimed in. "Warning: structural integrity at 50%." The Sacajawea hadn't been equipped with the proper shielding like the Flyer had. He only had one shot at this.

His fingers flew over the console. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and hit the final button. The shuttle released a photon torpedo into the dark energy.

Then, everything was white.


	14. Epilogue

His final transmission was complete static, and because it came through her combadge instead of the ship, she couldn't clean it up, would never know what he'd said.

Nearly hysterical as she raced back onto the bridge, Janeway frantically hit the tears away from her field of vision, her other hand clutching the book to her chest like its proximity to her heart would save him. "_Chakotay_!" she screamed, voice raw.

The viewscreen exploded into blinding light.

* * *

><p>"Report," Janeway said, sitting comfortably in the captain's chair with her legs crossed, the phenomenon barely having disturbed her position.<p>

She glanced at Chakotay next to her as Tuvok reported, "All systems are functioning within normal parameters."

Harry added, "Captain, whatever just pitched Voyager did minimal damage. It was a shock wave of some kind, but sensors are having difficulty reading it and pinpointing its source."

"All's well at the helm," Tom said, "We're still at warp eight on the same heading we had a minute ago." He swiveled around and raised his brows. "If you want my opinion, it was one of Neelix's explosive experiments rocking the ship. Our lovely chief engineer mentioned bananas Foster in his presence, and there was no changing his mind once he heard there was fire involved."

"And who was so eager to tell Neelix about setting a dessert on fire in the first place?" Harry threw back, sounding more upbeat than he had all week.

Before Janeway could join the conversation, Chakotay shot her a penetrating look. Something in his expression gave her pause, but she decided she'd rather discuss it with him in private.

"Janeway to Seven."

"Seven here."

"Ensign Kim will route the sensor data on the shock wave through to astrometrics," Janeway said as she nodded toward Harry, who tapped away at his console accordingly. "I want you to analyze it. I'll be down in a few hours to take a look at what you come up with."

"Acknowledged."

"Harry," Chakotay said, "Check the relative distances of nearby stars. Any different than they were a minute ago?"

Janeway puzzled over his words as she attempted to decipher the intent in his eyes. What was he trying to get at?

Harry responded, "Yes sir. Compensating for speed… the closest stars are at least two thousand kilometers farther away from us. Distances increase farther out."

"Dark energy," Janeway said to Chakotay. "How did you know?"

He shrugged and smiled quite happily. So happily, in fact, that it was contagious. "Just a feeling."

She held Chakotay's eyes as Tuvok threw in, "Captain, long range sensors indicate we have also been pulled away from the Alpha Quadrant."

"Harry," she commanded, "What's our distance from Earth?"

As Harry called up the information, Chakotay's smile faded gradually, replaced by a more serious look of concern, or… perhaps longing. Her heart stirred. Sometimes, she really hated Starfleet protocol, though Chakotay's gaze made her wonder for the first time in a while whether the regulatory barrier was really necessary. Poor Harry Kim had recently broken the rules and, surprisingly, it hadn't turned out so badly. Who was to say Janeway couldn't bend them a little herself?

"The Sol System is eight hundred light years farther away."

"Tuvok," she called, rolling out of her chair. "You have the bridge." She grinned at Chakotay and pointed with a tip of her head, inexplicably buoyed despite having tacked a year onto their journey.

She strolled into her ready room ahead of Chakotay and went straight for the replicator. "'Just a feeling,' Chakotay? Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you."

"Coffee, black." Once she obtained the drink, she sauntered back to him and stood slightly closer than usual, just to peer up into his eyes.

He smelled refreshingly like cinnamon, and his eyes softened as he smiled at her again. He clasped his hands behind his back. "I guess it was déjà vu."

She sipped. "Maybe not. If dark energy was involved, it's possible we're products of an alternate timeline or universe." After another mouthful she lowered the mug and angled her chin up, unable to tear her eyes from his single-minded expression. It made her feel as though she were the only woman he'd ever wanted, like he'd been hiding it for a long time and had gotten tired of keeping it secret.

"So we might not be the original Kathryn and Chakotay?" His voice was quiet and sweet.

"Right, and who knows what they could have gotten up to." She knitted her eyebrows together in concern. "I've heard they can be pretty meddlesome when alternate realities are involved."

He raised his brows and inclined his head down toward hers conspiratorially, near enough for her to see the brown in his dark eyes. "We probably owe our very existence to them."

She raised her mug. "To us!" she toasted, taking a sip. Then, on a cheerful whim, she lifted it to Chakotay's lips.

Before she could tip the liquid into his mouth, he stifled a chuckle. The motion caused the coffee to hop inside the mug and a bit splashed onto his face.

Their laughter was easy. "Damned doppelgangers," she chortled, "Look what they made me do!" She quickly set the cup on her desk and raised her arm so she could dab at him with her sleeve. "Good thing my coffee always comes out lukewarm… But this fabric won't absorb a thing. Trust Starfleet to prepare for all eventualities." Her thumbs set to work, pressing against his warm skin and then wiping the coffee off on her pants.

He bent at the waist to lean into her. "I'd like to offer thanks to our supposed doppelgangers," he grinned widely, blinking under her ministrations. "Without them, I couldn't have gotten such special treatment from you."

This effortless companionship felt like New Earth. She found herself remembering a time when they hadn't been afraid to share moonlit canoe rides on the holodeck and when Chakotay would bring her flowers just because he felt like it. Why had she wedged protocol between them all this time? Chakotay made her happy. The sudden reversal of years' worth of boundaries frightened her a little, and she doubted she could take them all down right away, but they had plenty of time.

"I think I got it all." She laid a hand on his shoulder as he straightened. "Chakotay, if you wanted me to dab at your face every morning, all you had to do was ask."

"Kathryn, will you dab at my face every morning?"

"Gladly."

He tilted his head, eyes twinkling. "That was easy. I wonder what else I could ask for."

She beamed, so happy she could have flown. "Ask away, Chakotay."


End file.
